There are a few partially honest people like me who fear taxmen and the impending 31-March deadline, over-and-above service tax, sales tax, ATM tax, transaction tax, GST, CST, VAT, MST, LBT, octroi, toll, Krishi Kalyan cess, education cess, Swach Bharat cess and massive political excess! And there are those who represent me in Dilli. They borrow big and take to the sky, somewhere really high where Kingfishers fly, they own a calendar from Jan to December, their loan disbursals are a known blunder, amazing how their 9,000-crore NPAs are written-off down under, they fear none, have fun, own an IPL and a Formula One! By the way, 9,000-crore mein kitne comma hote hain?! Huh?! #PlayTaxKaroRelax

Happy Ugadi/Yugadi, Cheti Chand and Gudi Padwa, Lord. Heard you created the Universe today many millennia ago? Which means Mother Earth was a burning ball of fire then? Today, at 45-degrees-centigrade, she's getting there! It’s only March yet, the weekend and April is still 3 days away, and the rains are yet to book their June tickets for India! Ok, we cut trees and do so ruthlessly. But still, is there some way we could get more out of less, or even a little of whatever that remains? And could you be a bit liberal with your naturalized central air-conditioning? The rains are also going to be deficit this year, God? Why? You know, no? El Nino? No? Can’t say, won’t say or don’t know?! #KyaGaramSankatHai

Chai pe Charcha. PA: Good news, Sir! Uddhav is building a 6-storey triplex opposite his existing bungalow near BKC. Investigate? PM: O s***, is the new bungalow coming in way of the bullet train station at BKC? If yes, we’ll have to shift the station! PA: Sir, should we *investigate* his sources of income? PM: Yes, please ask I-T to check Arvind’s accounts, and let me know if Manmohan bathes with his overcoat on. PA: Sir, but what about Uddhav? PM: I told you, I’m scared of him. Socho, if his MP can thrash using slippers, just imagine what his boss Uddhav can do! Rahul, Barack, Donald and Yogi are easy to handle since they're clean-shaven. Uddhav flashes a scary thick moustachio! Also, Shinzo Abe calls me every day to check on the bullet train project and speaks in Japanese English. Once I stopped answering him, he started following me on Twitter. And people think I am famous! Forget it, I just want to make Maharshtra number one. PA: But Sir, the other day you wanted to make UP number one? PM: Is it? Ok, now that we go to polls in Gujarat, let it be known that I want to make Gujarat number one. PA: Ok Sir. PM: What about Yogi? PA: Sir, 150 orders in 50 hours! Good, but Sir, what about execution? PM: hai na, anti-romeo squad! #DevelopMentalEcoComics

Ooh la la! Goosebumps?! There are quite a few my country gives me: the dargah of Ali in Arabian Sea, the steps of the Mount Mary, Aye mere watan ke logon by Lataji, the anthem of India, the idol of Durga slaying Mahishasur, jai dev jai dev jai mangalmurti ode to Ganpati, jai jagdish hare to the almighty creator, the vibrancy of the 8.41 am Churchgate fast on a Monday morning, the sacred chants at the Mumbadevi temple, the sight of the soldiers marching past and the thunder of planes zooming up in the sky, the imposing Himalayas, the Ocean, the Bay, the Sea and a roar at Kanha. Kya Desh Hai Mera! #MaaTujheSalaam

Congratulations, Mr.Prime Minister. The 8 November 2016 decision seems to have worked, atleast partially. Else, how does one explain the use of slippers by an MP from Osmanabad to assault a 60-year old airport staff member? If you had not demonetized the economy, then perhaps he would have used shoes? Imagine being assaulted with shoes! O my God, and if the brand was Red Tape? Pure leather? Kya PETA, uff! Top it all, the symbol of his party is a Tiger that bites. What do you think, the MP assaulted the 60-year staff member to protest the 60-year misrule of your predecessors? And he assaulted him with slippers 25 times as a fitting tribute to your 25-year alliance with his party in BrihanMumbai Mahanagar Palika? Not sure, why he kept the plane on-hold for 30-minutes, though? The number just doesn’t add up. Will passengers be compensated for delays like these? Looking to introduce a Leather Slipper Cess for common passengers? Think, he might be scared of your 56-inch chest? No? Xi, Nawaz and Nepal aren't scared for sure. And, were EVMs in Osmanabad rigged such that *HE* got elected? No? Sir, EVMs? Eligible Voters’ Minds? Huh?! #AbKiBaarSlipperKiMaar

Narendra: Amit, any news on the CM designate? Amit: Narendra bhai, three candidates in the fray. Narendra: how about one CM and 2 deputies? Amit: Arre waah, yes, good idea. But then, how should we divide their roles? Narendra: hmm, good question. Let me answer it on Shinzo Abe's Twitter page. Amit (confused, nonetheless): ok. Are we still building the Ram temple? Narendra: hmm, pertinent question. Let me answer it on Trump’s twitter page. Amit: fine, but what to say should people seek the CM's credentials? Narendra: what credentials? People gave us a mandate. Now, whether to select a yogi, bhogi, jogi or rogi, is upto us! Amit: ok, but still, if people insist? Narendra: tell them, he is a 5-time MP from Gorakhpur and the development there is unseen, er, unforeseen and unprecedented! And don’t forget to add G for Gorakhpur, G for Godhra and G for Gujarat! Amit: And G for Gandhi, too?! Narendra: Oh yes, thanks for reminding me; let me spin the charkha and share the photo on Rahul’s twitter page! #PhatiUttamPradesh

Narendra: ek kaam kar, you take defense. Manohar: no Sir, it’s a thankless job. While soldiers complain of stale food, you take sole credit for surgical strikes, not good. Now, I am missing the Goan feni at Anjuna! Narendra: Ok, you go to Goa. Arun, you take defense. Arun: Ok. I have 3 ministries, one demonetization, a couple of cricket boards and a private law practice. If Navjot can act in prime-time, I can work for each of them, part time? Rahul: What can I do? Narendra: you work from Home. A weak opposition is a healthy proposition. Rajnath: and what is a Home Minister supposed to do? Narendra: ensure all jails are ISO-certified, and fearsome convicts live long, roam fearless, Nirbhaya and healthy. Arvind: and me? Narendra: you give dharna. Nitin’s ministry needs to show traffic. Sushma: as instructed, I am on twitter, 24X7. Here, please sign the hospital voucher. Smriti: can I get external affairs? I am good at Photoshop. Narendra: Sorry, kaunse class mein kabhi bahu thi? Devendra: Do something about Uddhav; he is giving me a tough time. Narendra: I know, though I can’t make nasty “raincoat” comments about him nor chide him. Devendra: why? Narendra: Er, I am scared of him. Arun: and what are you upto? Narendra: I need to check if MY plane is ready after servicing; used it a lot in elections. Ab Ki Baar, ja raha hoon yaar! #EnvisionAnIllusion

Yaar, yeh Dilliwale khaate kya hain? Has there been a bumper crop in Dilli? They change portfolios in an hour, resign from highly sensitive Cabinet positions overnight like gully cricket,  become CM of their home State and *NEVER* think of retirement?! Top it all, one man looks after I&B, Finance and now Defense! Of course, cricketing associations and other roles are stretched responsibilities he has pre-ordained himself with! And the big boss fights panchayat, municipal, city, State, and all other elections, while looking after country’s affairs in his spare time?! It’s a country with a staff strength of 1-billion people, yaar! Can’t they reverse the “60-year-old misrule” of their predecessors and introduce a retirement age for the ruling elite? What, are they Born Vita? Or, Haar Licks? Do they never tire or retire? Or does everyone there just aspires to conspire? #AbKiBaarUmarTohDekhoYaar

A writing pad, compass box full of pen, pencil, sharpener and eraser, all tucked away in a plastic bag! Final exam. Easy subjects, difficult subjects, and some real scary subjects. Last minute revision. A game of cricket with the writing pad in and around the assembly hall. Prompting, hinting and reminding questions that were “important” and would “surely come in the question paper. Haw, you didn’t prepare for it?!” A new classroom to write the exam opposite an unknown studen...t from another grade. Butterflies in the stomach while question papers were distributed, and then glancing through the question paper with eagerness to see if the preparations bore fruit. Counting the marks on-the-spot for all answers that were known! And the countdown to the last day of the final exam that appeared to be real far! And when the last day of the final exam happened, the clock appeared to tick very slowly! And then a gush of excitement? And then head straight to the ground for games of cricket, football and freedom! It all happened decades ago. Somewhere in the by-lanes of TPS III, Linking Road, Bandra.

Long time ago in a land nearly far away, there lived a King. He was very powerful and had conquered the mightiest warriors on Earth. Having emerged victorious after having won many a battle, he started considering himself invincible. His false ego and pride captured his imagination, and he got swayed away and flattered by comparisons with none other than the almighty creator! The King had a son whom he adored. The son loved his father, too, though he was a staunch believer in God. Later in the story, to uphold his ego, the King got into loggerheads with his own son, tried to kill him on various occasions, and took panga with God in a battle, where the result was obvious. That was a story played long time ago. It holds true even today. Give me “satbuddhi”, God: no ego, false pride and/or a free ride.  And, of course whenever my ego takes over, PLEASE remind me: har sher ka ek baap hota hai, jise shamsher kehte hain! #MightyLogicalStoriesofIndia

Neighbour 1: I was very shy as a kid and couldn’t have imagined having 4,356 friends on Facebook! Neighbour 2: I am close at about 3,890 friends! Neighbour 3: Wow, that’s awesome man, I have about 650-odd friends on Facebook. Will catch up with you guys one day! (Roars of laughter among the trio, followed by a collective glance at me) Me: Er, I have about 170 connections. Friends are a handful; maybe about 2 or 3? In fact, even among those 170-odd connections, only about 20-30 wish me on my birthday! Neighbour 1 (ignoring my cynicism and furthering Zuckerberg’s optimism): It feels nice to have many social media followers, too! I mean, like a celebrity or something! (Neighbour 2 and Neighbour 3 nod in 100% agreement) Neighbour 1 (triumphant): You have followers? Me: Hai na, my Mom. Wherever I go, she diligently follows! (Over-ruled, topic changes to numbers on Twitter). #VirtuallySocial #FameCanBeLame

Behind every successful man, there’s a woman. Behind every successful woman, there’s a man. Basically, everyone is behind someone. That said, isn't it a bit confusing how everyone is behind someone, when everyone wants to be ahead of everyone?! Anyway, hope juveniles, boys, men, girls and women remember their tributes to other women and themselves, wherever applicable, beyond 08^th March, 11.59 pm! Haha! #KyaMaalHaiYaar

Today is Monday, tomorrow, Tuesday and the day after, Happy Womens Day. Thursday onwards it will be just another day until Sunday and Monday when it will be Holi Day. So, who is a woman's best Friend? Dog? Cat? De Beers? Beers? Tears? Pears? 3 cheers? Fears? Looks like bit-me spears? And, can a man ever respect a woman? Maybe? Ok. And can a woman ever respect another woman? Yes? No? 50:50? Huh?! #HappyWomenSlay

Mr.Prime Minister, there’s something seriously amiss about the positive image of India you created abroad? You see, while you were at it creating a repeat of the global positive image exercise in Benares, Maharashtra, Punjab, Goa and Yadav’s Puttar Pradesh, Indians were being slaughtered, racially abused and asked to go back Home. In the States and in New Zealand. As of now. Has the racial flare got to do with Obama vacating his Barack? Or Donald playing the America First Trump card? Or was there an image, any image, (even PR would do!), of India abroad? Or are they simply showing us our mirror image? Huh? As they say, even for a fraction of a digital ATM transaction, there’s a highly opposite and taxing reaction! #ATMDaro #AbKiBaarDeshBadalYaar

The ATM. The ATM gives us money, Anytime Money. There are different types of ATMs: a few with some dhan, others with no dhan, minions with Jan Dhan and a few with counterfeit ban dhan. There are also ATMs that eject kala dhan.  These are highly-secured and tax-free with servers and passwords stored in the depths of Panama (not canal), heights of Swiss Alps, exotic locales of Maldives, Jalsa of Juhu, Vittal’s Mallya Road, Sahara’s Aamby Valley, Poes’ Garden, Dilli’s Commonwealth and coal mines of Chhatisgarh, etc. And then, there are tax-levying ATMs for commoners like me: transaction tax, balance-check tax, etc. The day is not far when there’d be a tax on entering an ATM, looking at an ATM, passing-by an ATM, speaking of an ATM and even dreaming about an ATM. Taxes, but why? Is it because of a 7% growth in Growing Domestic Poverty? 700% growth in election expenditure? People bathing with their raincoats ON? Very confusing Ecocomics yaar: money hai toh sunny hai, nahin hai toh sirf chavanni hai! #AbKiBaarVaatLagaYaar

An evening in a South Bombay wedding lawn. Yaar, South Bombay is an amazing place, isn’t it? Wish I had a flat here. Do they have east-west system here? Me (very amused!): in my opinion, having a house of your own in any part of Bombay is a true blessing and an achievement. He: Yes, but then there’s something special about this part of town. What an amazing lifestyle people must be leading here! Me: I feel, Home is where a loving family is, and peace of mind supersedes everything else. He (still regretful): Can’t even think of buying a flat in South Bombay. XXXX stays in South Bombay. His wife is also from this side of town. Both families are highly educated at Cornell, Oxford, Australia, etc. I love the arrangements and lights. They seem to have spent a lot on this wedding. Exchanged tons of dowry, too, I hear. Me: Really? He (with a look as though he sponsored it all!): Yes! Me: what a waste of education. He (baffled): why? Me: just saying; let’s try Tikka? He: Chicken Tikka? Me: Nah, I am a very boring homely teetotaler vegetarian. Paneer Tikka? He: You me says what? Ooh, you’re such boring company? Me: the evening’s just begun, try me! Haha! #YehMeraGharWohUskaGhar