Every month when I access my modest salary account, I become thankful to the almighty for having given me the 30^th. I mean, if there wasn’t the 30^th, then there wouldn’t be the 1st to the 29^th! In fact, in February, the feeling is 3-times better when I access my salary account 3 days in advance! What’s more, Monday blues is also fine if it’s Monday the 30^th. Of course, the monthly test of my faith in the almighty begins from the morning of the 1^st of every month when my hero-balance savings account commences its journey to become a zero-balance cravings account. Hit “Like” and share if you agree. And I am not talking about the post! Haha! #AbKiBaarCTCBadhaoNaYaar #SalariedAlas

I have been fortunate having grown up on simple-yet-classy and extremely entertaining Doordarshan serials like Ramayan, Malgudi Days, Karamchand, Wagle Ki Duniya, Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi, Nukkad, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, as well as Hindi film broadcast on Sunday evenings, right after Narottam Puri’s World of Sports, Marvel's handcraft-animated Spiderman and Vikram Aur Betaal. So much entertainment on a humble black-and-white TV set! The 80s also remind me of a generation before me that was shy, yet privately swooned over naturally handsome and very charming actors including Shammi Kapoor, Dilip Kumar, Rajesh Khanna, Dev Anand, Vinod Khanna, Shashi Kapoor, Dharmendra, etc. These actors ruled box office when social media was unheard of, yet managed to dish out silver, golden and platinum jubilees in quick succession from the “balcony” and “stalls” of Bandra Talkies, Gaiety-Galaxy-Gemini, Ambar-Oscar-Minor, Regal, Roxy, Maratha Mandir, Liberty and Strand. The 80s told me a story. And it lives ON; even to this day. #VinodKhanna

Dilli, what’s your equivalent of Bombay’s Kurla, Mithi river, Dharavi, Kalina, 26 July, Chakala, JVLR, SCLR and a Shivaji statue in the Arabian sea? Now that your municipal election results are out, speaking from Bombay’s experience where the Moody-Uddhav combine have been at the helm of Municipal Corporation of Crater Mumbai for more than 25 years, it *might* help your cause to know: geographical dimensions of potholes, oceans inside cities, hole-marks in civil engineering structures, holy cows and unholy strictures, the ability to negotiate deeply-excavated roads reminiscent of stone age, slum development, redevelopment and overdevelopment, middle-class housing fallacy, “hygiene” levels of a mid-day meal, lifetime collection of toll and its relation to an upcoming election poll, and an undying spirit and solid physical stamina to walk long-distances whenever a city is submerged under water. Every monsoon, a humble part of Bombay walks on a rainy day. It has been walking. Since time immemorial. And will walk this year, again. Bole toh, ab ki baar phir se sab chalega yaar! #GoverNonsense #AbDilliDoorNahin

There's truly something about leaves. At Home, my family wants me to leave early from work, while at work, juniors, seniors and middlemen don’t want me to leave early for Home. At a regional level in Chennai, Team Amma quarrel with Team Chinamma over an election symbol comprising two leaves. Mallya loves leaves, too. He leaves India leaving bankers, investors and employees in eternal debt to last unto death. What’s more, his debt level can be gauged from a modest few leaves that Kingfisher models display on his KF calendar, every month. Private naukri embattled employees like me fight for 1 sick leave, while the VIP mantri to sarkari sentry enjoy unlimited leave. Itna leave, and then my house-help also takes uninformed leave. Anyway, speaking of nature and leaves, despite the skyrocketing sales of fans, coolers and air-conditioners, why is the Earth still hotter than the Sun?! #HariPatti #LearnToLeave

I still run from pillar-to-post and eat chai-with-toast despite my Prime Minister announcing that every Indian is a VIP. This is because none listens to me when I say that I am a VIP. I still don’t get subsidized loans, rations, free lunches, dinners, chai-paani, foreign travel nor multiple palatial residences. I don’t *own* a cavalcade of 40-cars minus red beacons, nor the traffic ever stops for me. I still need to stand in the darshan Q of all Gods: Lord Indra, God Devendra and Supreme Godhead Narendra. I don’t own the law, nor am I possessed by 100 gun-wielding SPG commandos to accompany me for treatment of cold by world-renowned specialists of AIIMS and/or Breach Candy! I still gaze at the Air India plane from the edge of the packed 8.45 am CST fast train, wondering if it’s Gaikwad’s shoes or his Kolhapuri slippers that cause facial pain?! I am a VIP? Maybe. But wait, did my Prime Minister in his Hinglish accent imply Very Impotent Person? Huh?! Haha! #KyaPopatBanarelaHai #BeWearVIP

Given the fact that that Mallya is more evasive than the Indian Kohinoor, and since his defaulter payments relate to an airline, only two breeds of aviation experts can bring him back to India: the Kingfisher calendar hostess in a debt-ridden and highly modest gown, or Sena’s guarantee-terror-Gaikwad who reaches out for his slippers to make another man’s face pure mud-brown, never backs down even as the law can merely frown, and manages to get unlimited business class seats on Air India from one town-to-downtown! By the way, how does Mallya spell the word “jail”? B.A.I.L. Haha! #TuJaantaNahinMainConHoon

Move over Mom’s constant haggling, the neighbour’s barking dog, the croaking frog, the alarm log and my daily slog, I now have an even better excuse for getting up late in the morning: disturbed sleep owing to the early morning "azaan" from a non-existent masjid in my neighborhood, and the ringing of bells in a Ram Mandir (not the Ayodhya one!) 5-kms away! Abhi so Ja Sonu Nigam, Kal So Na So?! Haha! #KabhiKhushiKabhiSonuNigam

First, Mallya arrest. Phir, media unrest. Aur phir, Mallya returns to his mansion to rest. Now, what's the similarity between bail and bhel? Both can bought, dirt cheap, a little teekha-meetha maarke! Haha! #FlingOfGoodTimes #AbKiBaarBailDeYaar

For Snapchat CEO, India is a poor country. For American Presidents, India is a mere tour country. For Mark Zuckerberg, India is a vast country. For Pakistan, India is a blast country. For Indian politicians and China, India is the last country. For Indian immigrants, India is an outcast country. For Indians, India is a caste country. Basically, everyone has an opinion and entitled to one. But then, whatever happened to the “positive image of India abroad”? And, when was Moody’s metaphorical PR exercise undertaken last, country? #SnapChat

America dropped the Mother of All Bombs (MOAB) weighing 10,300-kgs on ISIS in Afghanistan, yesterday. However, the severity of impact is likely to be less in comparison to the Father of All Bombs (FOAB) that America dropped on the world on 08 November 2016. An aged vex bomb, he also lives in Manhattan, weighs about 100-kgs, shoves immigrants, has brownish white hair, likes to scare, and gives his country the slogan of America First, Let the World Go Bust, I don’t care! Haha! #GunKiShakti

O Lord, I have a bucket list. I fill buckets of all sizes from 8 am to 10 am in the morning, and between 8 pm to 10 pm in the evening, Golden Hours when we receive water supply every summer season in Thane, the city of 36 lakes! This is the improved frequency of supply after 8 elections and 24 manifestos! Are you listening, God? I sincerely hope you do, since the demigods on Earth are busy creating alternate Universes, post-elections. Speaking of heaven God, there’s truly something fishy in the air these days, and it’s not air pollution. From America to India, *air travel* seems to have become a sole slipper-and-drag business where everyone hits and/or drags everyone else inside and outside the plane, and on the runway! Now, can’t the high-fliers display class even if they lack substance?! Kamaal hai yaar, phir hhi some people think that the slipper-and-drag duels are solely confined to the supremely crowded and scare conditioned environs of the 2^nd class compartment in the 7.47 pm Virar fast?! #GaikwadKiChappal #UnitedScareLines #JaaniShowMePaani

Nawaz: Bajwa Saab, heard you’re going to hang an Indian naval officer? Bajwa: Nawaz miyaan, he is a RAW spy, no? Nawaz: Ah yes, we must maintain our stance that he is a spy caught in Balochistan. But tell me, where is Balochistan? I’ve heard a lot about Hindustan, Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and even about Pakistan; but, where the hell is Balochistan?! Bajwa: hell, what?! You don’t know where is Balochistan? What kind of a PM are you?! Nawaz (fearing coup): lame duck PM? Er sorry, will Xi Jinping support us? Bajwa: Obviously, we discussed the naval officer case over dinner comprising Indian Fried Rice and Chinese Manchurian. In fact, I will soon stake our claim for the UN Security Council. Hell yeah, once onboard we will also invite Kim of North Korea! Nawaz: Wow! BTW, I’ve started working out. Last measured, my chest size is 56.01 inches, meaning it is .01 inches bigger than Modi! Bajwa: Really? Eat beef? Nawaz: Nah, banned by Modi, remember? Only brief. #CookingUpRAWAgent #SpyWhere

Salman was pardoned. Gaikwad was pardoned. Vadra was pardoned. Babri was pardoned. Godhra was pardoned. Mamta, Jaya, Sasi, Sonia, Uma, Maya, Sushma hold a patented pardon. Corporates are pardoned. Lalit seems to have been pardoned. Subroto is almost pardoned. Mallya was not even convicted to be pardoned. This Monday morning, wondering if my home loan principal or at least the great rate of interest be pardoned? Huh!?! Just saying. #YehMeraGharKitnaLoanBhar

One Tomahawk missile costs 1.3 million dollars. So, 59 Tomahawk missiles cost how much? Ok, let me open the calculator. Here you go, roughly 77 million dollars. Which means, America spent 77-million dollars in just a few hours to attack Assad and to finish off his chemical weapons and alleged danga-fasaad?! What money yaar! I mean, 77-million dollars in just a few hours?! No doubt, there’s a huge queue outside the American embassy in Bandra to immigrate to Trump land! And Moody thinks he is famous! If he had spent 77-million dollars in few hours, I would probably be standing outside a non-functional bank ATM to exchange the just-introduced 2000-rupee note, as also paying a “Swachh Syria Cess”! By the way, does Syria have oil? Yes? What’s the “going price”?! Huh?! #BasKarAssad

Maharashtra to raise compensation to r*** and acid attack victims from 3-lakh to 10-lakh. It will be better if this compensation is given to the family of convict (s) instead, while convicts should be sent to where they truly belong: in hell? Now, whosoever said that money can't buy justice, didn't come to the Indian courts for window-shopping! #AbKiBaarJusticeDeniedHaiYaar

Holy Cow, how can we Save The Tiger jab na guy safe hai nor girl?! In my country, it's either mob justice or sob justice. Bole toh, justice is to deny, delay or worse still, on a tareekh-pe-tareekh relay! #MeraDeshBadlaLeRahaHai

Why name a squad anti-Romeo when there’s nothing Hindu about Romeo? How and where, in Bhagvan Ram’s name of Ayodhya fame, did Yogi hear about Romeo? Did he read Romeo-Juliet? Samson-Delilah? Sohni-Mahiwal? Anti-romeo squads would mean youngsters in UP won’t be able to fall in love, literally? Laterally? Vertically? Horizontally? In which case, they’ll have to travel to Bombay via Gorakhpur? How will Uddhav react to the arrival of UP’ites in Bombay? And, will Yogi be booked by the squad for derogatory statements he made against women in the past? Anyway, what’s in a name, asked the Bard, long before he saw the Yogi’s gun-wielding SPG guard! Haha! #MillsAndGoons