There are a few partially honest people like me who fear taxmen and the impending 31-March deadline, over-and-above service tax, sales tax, ATM tax, transaction tax, GST, CST, VAT, MST, LBT, octroi, toll, Krishi Kalyan cess, education cess, Swach Bharat cess and massive political excess! And there are those who represent me in Dilli. They borrow big and take to the sky, somewhere really high where Kingfishers fly, they own a calendar from Jan to December, their loan disbursals are a known blunder, amazing how their 9,000-crore NPAs are written-off down under, they fear none, have fun, own an IPL and a Formula One! By the way, 9,000-crore mein kitne comma hote hain?! Huh?! #PlayTaxKaroRelax

Happy Ugadi/Yugadi, Cheti Chand and Gudi Padwa, Lord. Heard you created the Universe today many millennia ago? Which means Mother Earth was a burning ball of fire then? Today, at 45-degrees-centigrade, she's getting there! It’s only March yet, the weekend and April is still 3 days away, and the rains are yet to book their June tickets for India! Ok, we cut trees and do so ruthlessly. But still, is there some way we could get more out of less, or even a little of whatever that remains? And could you be a bit liberal with your naturalized central air-conditioning? The rains are also going to be deficit this year, God? Why? You know, no? El Nino? No? Can’t say, won’t say or don’t know?! #KyaGaramSankatHai

Chai pe Charcha. PA: Good news, Sir! Uddhav is building a 6-storey triplex opposite his existing bungalow near BKC. Investigate? PM: O s***, is the new bungalow coming in way of the bullet train station at BKC? If yes, we’ll have to shift the station! PA: Sir, should we *investigate* his sources of income? PM: Yes, please ask I-T to check Arvind’s accounts, and let me know if Manmohan bathes with his overcoat on. PA: Sir, but what about Uddhav? PM: I told you, I’m scared of him. Socho, if his MP can thrash using slippers, just imagine what his boss Uddhav can do! Rahul, Barack, Donald and Yogi are easy to handle since they're clean-shaven. Uddhav flashes a scary thick moustachio! Also, Shinzo Abe calls me every day to check on the bullet train project and speaks in Japanese English. Once I stopped answering him, he started following me on Twitter. And people think I am famous! Forget it, I just want to make Maharshtra number one. PA: But Sir, the other day you wanted to make UP number one? PM: Is it? Ok, now that we go to polls in Gujarat, let it be known that I want to make Gujarat number one. PA: Ok Sir. PM: What about Yogi? PA: Sir, 150 orders in 50 hours! Good, but Sir, what about execution? PM: hai na, anti-romeo squad! #DevelopMentalEcoComics

Ooh la la! Goosebumps?! There are quite a few my country gives me: the dargah of Ali in Arabian Sea, the steps of the Mount Mary, Aye mere watan ke logon by Lataji, the anthem of India, the idol of Durga slaying Mahishasur, jai dev jai dev jai mangalmurti ode to Ganpati, jai jagdish hare to the almighty creator, the vibrancy of the 8.41 am Churchgate fast on a Monday morning, the sacred chants at the Mumbadevi temple, the sight of the soldiers marching past and the thunder of planes zooming up in the sky, the imposing Himalayas, the Ocean, the Bay, the Sea and a roar at Kanha. Kya Desh Hai Mera! #MaaTujheSalaam

Congratulations, Mr.Prime Minister. The 8 November 2016 decision seems to have worked, atleast partially. Else, how does one explain the use of slippers by an MP from Osmanabad to assault a 60-year old airport staff member? If you had not demonetized the economy, then perhaps he would have used shoes? Imagine being assaulted with shoes! O my God, and if the brand was Red Tape? Pure leather? Kya PETA, uff! Top it all, the symbol of his party is a Tiger that bites. What do you think, the MP assaulted the 60-year staff member to protest the 60-year misrule of your predecessors? And he assaulted him with slippers 25 times as a fitting tribute to your 25-year alliance with his party in BrihanMumbai Mahanagar Palika? Not sure, why he kept the plane on-hold for 30-minutes, though? The number just doesn’t add up. Will passengers be compensated for delays like these? Looking to introduce a Leather Slipper Cess for common passengers? Think, he might be scared of your 56-inch chest? No? Xi, Nawaz and Nepal aren't scared for sure. And, were EVMs in Osmanabad rigged such that *HE* got elected? No? Sir, EVMs? Eligible Voters’ Minds? Huh?! #AbKiBaarSlipperKiMaar

Narendra: Amit, any news on the CM designate? Amit: Narendra bhai, three candidates in the fray. Narendra: how about one CM and 2 deputies? Amit: Arre waah, yes, good idea. But then, how should we divide their roles? Narendra: hmm, good question. Let me answer it on Shinzo Abe's Twitter page. Amit (confused, nonetheless): ok. Are we still building the Ram temple? Narendra: hmm, pertinent question. Let me answer it on Trump’s twitter page. Amit: fine, but what to say should people seek the CM's credentials? Narendra: what credentials? People gave us a mandate. Now, whether to select a yogi, bhogi, jogi or rogi, is upto us! Amit: ok, but still, if people insist? Narendra: tell them, he is a 5-time MP from Gorakhpur and the development there is unseen, er, unforeseen and unprecedented! And don’t forget to add G for Gorakhpur, G for Godhra and G for Gujarat! Amit: And G for Gandhi, too?! Narendra: Oh yes, thanks for reminding me; let me spin the charkha and share the photo on Rahul’s twitter page! #PhatiUttamPradesh

Narendra: ek kaam kar, you take defense. Manohar: no Sir, it’s a thankless job. While soldiers complain of stale food, you take sole credit for surgical strikes, not good. Now, I am missing the Goan feni at Anjuna! Narendra: Ok, you go to Goa. Arun, you take defense. Arun: Ok. I have 3 ministries, one demonetization, a couple of cricket boards and a private law practice. If Navjot can act in prime-time, I can work for each of them, part time? Rahul: What can I do? Narendra: you work from Home. A weak opposition is a healthy proposition. Rajnath: and what is a Home Minister supposed to do? Narendra: ensure all jails are ISO-certified, and fearsome convicts live long, roam fearless, Nirbhaya and healthy. Arvind: and me? Narendra: you give dharna. Nitin’s ministry needs to show traffic. Sushma: as instructed, I am on twitter, 24X7. Here, please sign the hospital voucher. Smriti: can I get external affairs? I am good at Photoshop. Narendra: Sorry, kaunse class mein kabhi bahu thi? Devendra: Do something about Uddhav; he is giving me a tough time. Narendra: I know, though I can’t make nasty “raincoat” comments about him nor chide him. Devendra: why? Narendra: Er, I am scared of him. Arun: and what are you upto? Narendra: I need to check if MY plane is ready after servicing; used it a lot in elections. Ab Ki Baar, ja raha hoon yaar! #EnvisionAnIllusion