Always take these three species with a pinch of namak: bina degree ka Mantri, bina dimaag ka santri and an NRI's undying "love" for his own country! ;-) Anyway, lately I have been watching a lot of primetime Hindi TV serials, especially, Kahaan Nahiin Gharr Grrrr Key, Kkaunse Glass Mein Bahu Paani Peeti Thi, Kyonkii Bahu Ko Lagaa Kii Yale Mein Sale Thi, etc. But why the urge to watch so many serials? Are they Mad In India? No, actually, you never know kaunse Hindi serial mein India ki next Human Resource Devastation (HRD) plus textile minister mil jaye?! Haha! #AapKiiSmriitiMein #AgarTumBahuNaHotiTohItniMotiNaHoti

Hawking said theory in Vedas superior to E=mc2 : Union Science & Technology Minister, Harsh Vardhan, without citing the source at the Indian *SCIENCE* Congress. Congress? Congress? Haha! Anyway, yaar hadd hai, this chap HV quotes the legendary Hawking who died 2 days ago, Leader of Opposition Rahul Baba spoke about "escape velocity", the country's Prime Minister spoke on the "relationship between aging and global warming" and "weed energy", and some minister who was also a former top cop of Bombay spoke about "apes not turning into humans". Yeh kya laga rakha hai bhai? Bas, if the destiny of a trillion-dollar economy can be entrusted in the hands of such "intellectuals", I am going ahead and applying for the position of Chief of NASA, tomorrow. Ok, not NASA, ISRO? Fine, but then, what do you call such intellectuals? Harsh Burden.

Anyone interested in offering me a job? As per my horoscope prediction, my life will undergo a positive change and remain so for the next 4 years upto 2022, by when there will be "Housing For All", the bullet train would be up and running, farmers from Nasik would have reached the Kasara ghat enroute their march to Azad Maidan in Bombay, Mukeshbhai would be the richest man in the world, the 24th pillar of Thane Metro would have been erected and Mallya would still reign as the King of Good Times. Three statues would be under-construction in the Arabian Sea, 4 statues on top of the Sahyadri mountains, and Milan Subway would remain flooded in the monsoon. As per my horoscope forecast, irrespective of my raging age, my energy levels would be sky-high, I will display exceptional leadership qualities and resolve conflicts *just like that*, and I will be able to handle the biggest, most complex and toughest tasks with ease. Nice, though, I seriously have my doubts about the predictions; while Jupiter, the boss of planets, is in-transit through my natal chart, there's also an Aadhar-possessed and tax-obsessed Government sitting *right there* in my fatal chart!

Reps from Punjab National Bank got my mobile number from somewhere and called me earlier this evening. They offered me a personal loan at an "attractive rate of interest", and asked me if I would also be interested in a "lifetime free credit card with many benefits". I asked them if they were offering a one-way flight ticket to New York in business class? The line got disconnected. Possibly, they added me in their DND list after the call. DND. Do. Not. Disburse. 😂😂😂😂

Why did you apply for this job? Simple, because when I started my career, diesel was selling at 35-rupees, and now it sells at 69. Ok, what are the qualities of a leader? A leader is a prolific orator who can also cry, speak to everyone without listening to anyone, has willingness and ability to travel, and above all, has the undying spirit of blaming everyone, including the Ice Age, Shrek, Gods and Dinosaurs. Ok, if you wouldn't have applied for this job, what would you be doing? I would be a *chowkidaar* sipping tea at a railway station. What are your educational qualifications? I obtained a post-graduate degree from Yale long before it came into existence. Right, how do you handle a conflict? Easy, just create another one. Interesting, and how do you handle a non-performer? That's easy, too; allot them a position in either of the Union Ministries of Education, Finance, Textiles or Information & Broadcasting. Do you believe in God? Yes, I chant Lord Ram's name every 5 years and take credit for Maa Ganga's *cleanliness*, every day. Good, where do you see yourself 5 years from now? Hmm, I see myself standing outside a bank queue waiting to exchange demonetized 2,000-rupee notes. Nice, if we were to offer you the job, what will you bring to the table? Crores in loans from Punjab National Bank and some air tickets. So? Try me?!

Phrase: "jo ukhadna hai, ukhad le". Meaning, in simple terms: Niravbhai Modi and Mehulbhai Choksi politely informing India's premier investigation agency that it is "impossible to return to India" owing to "business interests" and "health issues". Good. Now, don't even ask what do terms "acche" and "din" mean! 😂😂😂😂

One common thing about billionaires who ran away, will run away, want to run away and those who wish they could run away, is a public relations story in the Sunday morning newspaper that speaks about their "very humble beginnings", "faith in God", "money not being everything" and their "very simple lifestyle". Bolo, itna toh jhol hai, duniya gol hai, paisa anmol hai, aur mere liye sab jagah toll hi toll hai 😂😂😂😂

Upar, sky mein Rain God Indra se problem; neeche Earth pe, Supreme Lords from the "House of Commons" Narendra-Devendra se even bigger problem. Kisan mitron, are you M for Modi Nirav, M for Mallya Vijay, M for Modi Lalit and M for Modi Narendra? Ouch!😂😂 Mere pyaare kisan mitron, do you owe and stock black money, and also stood in the line during noteban? Would you want to see a glimpse of India's massive GDP growth and a booming "600-crore" population as per big data estimates? Aao, bas, sirf old National Highway-3 par chale jaao! 😂😂😂😂

There are rich actors, there are poor farmers and there are rich actors who are poor farmers. The third category generally avoids participation in farmer agitations. So, why did a legend of Indian cinema agree to become a brand ambassador of an Indian State after meeting Amitbhai and his son Jay? Simple, because the duo uttered the famous dialogue, "rishte mein hamare sab saaf hote hain, naam hai Shah-n-Shah"!😂😂😂😂

Ah yes, today is International Women Day. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is Friday. Ok, but is it important to celebrate a person or a gender? Just asking, you know, because har ek naari some man ka prateek hai !😂😂😂😂

Phrase: "jo ukhadna hai, ukhad le". Meaning, in simple terms: Niravbhai Modi and Mehulbhai Choksi politely informing India's premier investigation agency that it is "impossible to return to India" owing to "business interests" and "health issues". Good. Now, don't even ask what do terms "acche" and "din" mean! 😂😂😂😂

Never fear to walk or travel alone. In Bombay, at any given point in time, there are about 30,900 people per-square-km on the road, while there are about 309 people per square inch inside the 9.43 am Churchgate Fast. 2 is company, 3 is a crowd, aur jab thousands ho, toh bas everything is like a cakewalk in the cloud! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

ModuJEE, Congratulations! Tripura mein Russian leader Lenin ka statue gira diya? Bas, now just hope that Vladimir Putin, ex-KGB and the current President of Russia, doesn't come to know of this; nahin toh saala woh Lenin ke statue ka revenge hum log ko lemon jaise squeeze karke nikalega! Aur tum sirf "Mann Ki Baat" karte reh jaoge 😂😂😂😂 #ChaloStatueTodeinDeshBadlein #ThinkLeftTalkRightActCentrist #ArtOfDealership

Heard some Godman spoke about India becoming Syria if the Ram temple doesn't get built? Kya confusion hai yaar; are they looking to construct a Ram temple in Ayodhya or Syria? Ayodhya? Ok, then why comment on Syria? Or another country for that matter? India is not Sweden nor Denmark, after all. And before thinking of constructing a Ram temple in Ayodhya, can we have devotees, including all VVIPs, learning to stand in proper temple queues *first*? Kitna Indian Idol worship hai.... Wahan dekho, those who desecrated Lenin's statue in Tripura, do they even know the cost of erecting a statue? Just ask Maharashtra; the cost of one statue is a whopping 3,500-crore-rupees, and subject to upward revision! Aur woh bhi *right in the middle* of the Arabian Sea! Swimming aati hai, Uncle? 😂😂😂😂#BetaStatueStatueKhelo #MujheBhiKisiKoTodnaHai #BhaisaabLineMeinAaoLineMein #StatueGirnaUthnaSabKismatKaKhelHai

My niece asked me to explain the relationship between a magnet and iron while I watching IronMan 3 on TV. Robert Downey Jr is awesome, no?! Anyway, I was a very weak student in school, nonetheless, I tried my best to explain: I told her, imagine the Parliament building is a magnet, and just outside the building are many old men and women in their 70s, 80s, 90s and even a few 93-year-olds, looking like rusted iron. Now, everytime someone tries to move these old chaps away, the...y automatically cling back to the Parliament building owing to its "powerful" properties. In fact, to this day, these old men and women remain a biological wonder, have defied near-death experience and recorded the highest rates of life expectancy in the world! My niece appeared to be impressed by my explanation, and perhaps thought that I am the most intelligent man after the average Indian voter. So, what did Aldrich Killian tell Tony Stark in IronMan 3? "No, I'm a visionary. But I do own a manaic. And he takes the stage tonight." Sounds familiar? Haha! 😂😂😂😂😂