Gujarat, did you eat lunch today? Just asking, you know, since India's Parliamentary panel is busy reviewing a movie, and the Prime Minister and the leader of opposition are either busy welcoming Ivanka Trump, giving speeches about Indian women leading from the front (really?!, Haha!) or campaigning for elections and addressing 5 election rallies per day after signing a non-Hindu register in Saurashtra's Somnath temple. In the meanwhile, I just came back from the sabzi market where tomatoes are selling at 60-rupees-a-kilo and prices of other vegetables are vying for a position in the Spectacular World of Guinness Records. Of course, I am a layman who doesn't understand Economics; so, are the astronomical prices owing to North Korea testing a missile capable of hitting United States? Or is it owing to the royal coup in Saudi Arabia? Or, is the occasional price rise owing to some "technical reason"?! Haha! #AbKiBaarEkBaarKhanaKhaYaar #TamatarKiKasamMainAlooHiKhaoonga #UncleAbJaanLogeKya

Ms.Trump, when you go back to America, tell your Dad that you were accorded status befitting that of visiting foreign Presidents when they come to India. You were given a highly-guarded ceremonious reception at an erstwhile royal palace, and the Indian Prime Minister himself spent his extremely valuable time with you despite having a fulltime woman External Affairs Minister. He stood by you, sometimes with folded hands, while you marveled at Indian inventions. So much of impo...rtance was given to your visit despite the fact that you do not hold any position in the American Government. Perhaps, it has to do with dynasty? Or, maybe not. Haha! Tell Papa that he shouldn't pay mere lip-service and issue "stern warnings" to our errant neighbour, while showering them with billions of dollars "to fight terrorism". And most importantly, correct him, since India never demanded "billions and billions of dollars from America for the Green Climate Fund" :-) Feliz viaje! #AmericaIsGodIndiaWillNod #BasEkH1BVisaDeDoBhagwaan

When Ivanka Trump dines at Hyderabad's Taj Falaknuma Palace today, she will need to thank the Nizam for an opulent structure, the American voters and their choice of destiny, Tata Group and staff, the Indian Prime Minister and Government machinery, the hands that signed all the bills with or without GST and service charge, and above all, the Indian public that contributed and sponsored the Grand Finale of a conference whose outcome is immeasurable. Literally. Ms.Trump, when you go Home, tell Papa that despite its 5-year electoral vagaries, India is America's tomorrow; when it is still Monday in America, it is already Tuesday in India 😂😂😂

Tiger Zinda Hai? Yes, because the black buck died. Ok, but who killed the black buck? Your driver. Right, but then, what was I doing in the jungles of Jodhpur on the night the black buck died? You were driving your LandCruiser looking for pavement dwellers and a bakery. Ok, will they call me for promotions during Gujarat elections this year? Will I get to fly a kite with the CM this time, too? No idea, everyone is busy defending honor of women, including Padmavati. Ah, really? Who do you think is real: Padmavati of the royal court or my driver who testified in the Bombay High Court? Hmm, difficult to say. It is like imagining ModiJEE selling tea and RahulJEE selling the Nation without knowing who the buyers were. I understand, but both are sellers in their own right, huh?! #HardcoreSalesMan #SaveTheTigerAndTheAnimalKingdom #PolitricksIsSoHonest

Life and infrastructure are full of choices. For instance, either you spend 2 hours from Bombay to Ahmedabad in a bullet train once a year, or spend 4 hours from Borivali to Bandra and back, daily. In any case, the chance of getting a seat on a bullet train is higher since existing trains on that route run only at 40 percent capacity. But then, life is full of surprises, too; pataa nahin kab, extreme right lane ki gaadi extreme left mein aa jaaye, aur woh bhi hina indicator diye 😉😂😂 #NoteBanRichPlanPoorManRan

Now, since there's a constant and lurking danger of being beaten up by slippers by an elected representative of people inside an airplane, and/or by airline employees on the tarmac, is there someway that the terminal building itself can fly? Haha! Just jokin', ye know? 😂😂😂😂😂 #ToGoOrNotToIndigoIsAQuestion #WhatHappenedToParadisePapers

Uncle, wish there were elections every month? Wowie! GST would not be more than 5 percent on all items, no? The larger question remains, though: were the earlier slabs decided on basis of a lucky draw, you know, pick up a chit and the number that comes up becomes the applicable tax? Will I get a refund at a rate of 5 percent for every meal I ate at a restaurant in the last few months? You know, something similar to receiving 15-lakh rupees in my bank account? Anyway, I am tor...n between choices now, given the fact that prices of veggies are sky-bound: should I eat healthy home-cooked food after paying a higher GST, or eat soda-heavy food at a restaurant after paying a lower GST? Good evening, Saturday. Sometimes life's answers are hidden somewhere in the annals of Economics or amidst the jugglery of political comics. Given the circumstances, I am sure it is the latter 😂😂😂😂 #IskoKamKarUskoZaada #RandomTaxation #FastAndSpurious
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How do the husband and wife "talk"? Virtually, on Facebook. So, what did the husband who was sitting in the hall "tell" his wife who was in the kitchen? "Let's plan a holiday. I love you. You are my life. Can't do with you. How time flies. I will be with you forever". Wifey reciprocated likewise. She also posted a few pictures from pastime, you know, pictures that bordered on "for adults only" 😉 How romantic. But then, they could have spoken personally? Perhaps. But the world should know, no. Hmm, bolo, itna social, and then they still expect the world not to meddle in their "affair"?! 😂😂😂😂 #LoveIsVirtualRealitySoReal #PatiPatniAurWow

Good Thursday afternoon, Facebook. Do you know how does one become a "LinkedIn Influencer"? Just curious, you know, because global businessmen who can barely influence trade unions, film stars who can barely influence a crippled censor board and Prime Ministers who can barely influence their own team members and a weak opposition, call themselves "LinkedIn Influencer". What's more, many of them also call themselves philanthropists and Thought Leaders. You have competition, Facebook; there's a lot more jazz on LinkedIn, you know?! 😂😂😂😂 #UncleTerraceOpenHaiKya #MainBhiLinkedInKaInfluencer

Midst announcements of beheading carrying a reward of 5-crore-rupees in Digital India, I have started valuing my Head more than money. I have also understood what it means to have your head firmly placed on your shoulders. I have realized the value of an Aadhar card, even if the Aadhar data of Indian citizens leaks on 210 Government websites. After all, 348 years from now, *if* and when some Jay Sheela Bhansali decides to make a movie on my life, no one will be able to raise a question mark about my existence, you know, whether I was fake or real; my Aadhar card will prove my date of birth, address, amount of "black money" deposited in denominations of 500 and 1000-rupees, mobile number, etc. Simple. As for the movie, the script will depict my life's struggles, and my lone survival midst onslaught of demonetization, rising taxation, spiraling inflation and pothole-triggering tyre deflation. Of course, all this will happen 348 years later. Right now, the question is: who distorted History? Sanjay Leela Bhansali? Deepika? Shahid? Ranveer? Or, was it my History teacher at school who distorted answers every time I scored 10 marks of 75 in the History paper? And, how does one protect the honor of a woman? Hope Deepika's Daddy took her for a show of Aamir Khan's Dangal, and also taught her to run fast, real fast, you know, something on the lines of "Beti Bachao, Bhaagna Sikhao"? Huh?! #EkSmileDeZaraMuskuraDeepika #ItihaasHawaHai #WhoMadeMughalEAzam

Solid na yaar, a ranking improvement for India, 30-notches, from 130 to 100 on ease of doing business? In fact, only a few days ago Mukeshbhai became the richest Asian. Awesome! Maybe his richness and India’s improvement in global rankings for ease of doing business are directly proportional to the number of Aadhar card holders who ceased to do business? You see, after 08^th November 2016, when a histrionic decision was taken to demonetize the economy, many small businesses shut shop, and many salaried and daily wage employees were forced to stay at Home. Some died too, but then that is a debatable issue for all, barring families of the deceased. In other words, with so many people gone, there might have been nil or lesser traffic on the road, that must have permitted billionaires to reach offices quicker than Vijaybhai Mallya reached London, “fix” joint appointments with bank CEOs and Jaybhai Shah to exchange notes, apply for an NPA-free loan and take stock of the amount of demonetized currency deposited with the Reserve Blank of India. P.S.: the views expressed here are strictly personal, characters real and reality non-fictional 😉 #RajaAurRank #KahaanRajaKahaanPraja #BlindMansBluff