Hello, this is the Commander of the 1st Regiment speaking. What? Where am I? Nope, not on the border to maintain law and order. Didn't I tell you, we were asked to clean trash on the Himalayas? Yes, the legendary bosses are so happy with the Army's work on the Himalayas, they have now asked us to construct footover bridges at Elphinstone Road, Thane and Currey Road railway stations. An order is an order, and we aren't trained to say no to duty. Nope, none of the Defence Ministers have ever been in the line of fire on the border; they give a lot of speeches while trying to keep a straight face. In fact, some Prime Ministers have also celebrated Diwali in a half-clad Army uniform, looking like they just enrolled for Kindergarten. Yes, in all probability, those who were responsible for the rail bridge stampede, and those who are supposed to look after the bridges will still keep their jobs, get promoted and go on a sponsored vacation to Kutch, Kashmir and Kanyakumari. Honestly, if you ask me, handling Nawaz on the border is much easier, you know. Anyway, let me hang up, just overheard some talk about construction of toilets for "Swachh Bharat Abhiyan". Over and out. #JaiJawanJaiKisanHeyBhagwaan #BuildBridgesDigRidges

Never judge the strength of a mountain by its rocks, electricity by shocks, shampoos by claims of Goldilocks, a man by his shoes and socks, a woman by the manner in which she walks and a car dealer by his talks. But then, definitely judge the class and maturity of a leader by who he mocks. P.S.: The views expressed here are personal, resemblances are coincidental and are not intended to hurt anyone's sentiment nor temperament, temporary or permanent 😂😂😂😂 #ChalJokeMaarein #PappuAurFeku

Heard, the Monk who became Yogi visited the Taj Mahal at Agra today and took part in a cleanliness drive? Awesome yaar, you know, the most appealing thing about "Swacchh Bharat" or Clean India drives is how the celebrities and Mantris wearing a Bvlgari and surrounded by 2500 commandos bravely wield a broom to collect "garbage" from an already clean place! You know, just like someone looking for black money in India when the black money is actually in Switzerland, Panama and Male 😂😂 #UncleKachraAndarHai #KalaPaisaGoraHotaHai #SelfieWithJhadoo

It is really funny how a few "educated" pumpkins attribute a railway overbridge stampede to "lack of education and common sense in the country", when the pumpkins themselves don't think twice before throwing an imported branded cigarette butt on the road, or honk incessantly in the midst of a massive traffic jam, you know, from behind the wheels of their 70-lakh SUV! Saala, wonder what these pumpkins would do if someone screamed that the "bridge is falling down"🤔🤔 Mere paas flat hai, gaadi hai, thoda bank balance hai, Maa bhi hai, aur tumhare paas? Mere paas? Mere paas Aadhar card hai! O No! 😂😂😂😂 #AadharBinaAadha #BhaisaabMeraAadharDataSafeHaiNa

Happy Diwali, Gujarat. Votes are like mutual fund investments, subject to market risks. Please read and understand all election manifestos and scheme-related documents carefully; some schemes have the ability to transform a few and trance-form all others 😂😂😂😂 #LaxmiBadiKePooja

Happy Dhanteras. May your honest and hard-earned wealth swell 16000 times, and all the original notes in your possession, including 500 and 2000, remain white, monetized and in-circulation. May Lord Kuber take cognizance of small toddlers and children dying due to lack of oxygen cylinders and Aadhar card, and ask Lord Yamraaj to update the latter's list with eligible candidates for whom age is no bar to fight elections. May Maa Saraswati grant mental health to the severely impoverished minds of powers-that-be to give up being such comics, do some Economics and think beyond Taj Mahal's history, grand statues, "vanshvaad", "vikasvaad" and brainless "vaad-vivaad". #SatbuddhiDenaBhagwaan #MoralsAndSciences

Modu-JEE, I am floored (literally!) by your honesty or, er.. the lack of it. Anyway, Dappy Hiwali. Have you bought something from a local store recently and given your debit card to pay? Don't get me wrong, though, I think the small local shop owners are truly inspired by the transparency of Indian political party funding. Hence, everytime I give my debit card to pay, the Point-of-Sale (PoS) machine "is out-of-order". What is PoS? Don't know? Woh nanhi machine that swipes money and creates such a chain reaction via tax on every digital transaction, that the daily minimum balance in a common man's account is reduced to a quarter of a fraction. Now, don't go berserk, you know, I was jus' sayin' 🙄🙄🙄😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 #TaxingHonestyViaDigitalTransactions #BinPatakaDiwali #MoneyHaiTohBugsHoneyHai

While the ban on firecrackers can be a debatable issue, it is surprising how the supposedly “educated”, “qualified” and appear-to-be-sane minds link the ban to religious celebrations of another faith. Aren’t enough negative vibes striving to create a divide among common people, already? I stopped bursting crackers more than 30 years ago after seeing a presentation in school that highlighted the deplorable plight of child labourers in the firework factories of Sivakasi. Moreover, I simply love the beauty of the humble-yet-so-powerful “diya” that Mom lights every Diwali, and that light has always led the way for me. Obviously, to each his own, though, this year has seen a fair share of unprecedented tragedies, and for a lot of Indian families, Diwali won’t be the same ever again. Goodbye Friday, I will see you next week when the festivities are here. The twain shall meet with a prayer and Hope for a safe and better world with a lot of “diyas”. And in the interim that we meet, Diwali, can you brighten up and spread some light? Please? Yes? A little more? #InRemembranceOfTheDeparted #SpreadCheerNotHateAndFear