GST to launch at the midnight hour, tomorrow. Hindi translation: kal barah bajne wale hain! Haha!! #DebtAndTaxes #GST

Now, only if I listened to my Mother and studied judiciously, I, too, would've cleared the Union Public Service examination, opted for the Finance Ministry, perhaps become a policy-baker, and maybe would have had a chance to attend GST proceedings in the Central Hall of the Indian Parliament in Nayi Dilli. After all, it's all so cosy inside that hall; just look at the expressions of all those present, after eating a heavily sponsored meal, more than half the attendees are about to doze off and fall! Haha! #AbKiBaarRaatHoGayiYaar #AajTohBarahBajenge

I saw an Unidentified Flying Object hovering above Thane skies today. It wasn’t Trump’s Airforce One. I think it was Mangalyaan that mistook the deep craters in Thane for Mars. After all, just 2 days of rain has created such deep holes, they can accommodate 10-storey poles. Think man-made marvels of modern engineering, taxpayers’ money and contract doles. In any case, I still consider traveling on potholed roads a lesser pain in backdrop of senior citizens being beaten up by the likes of Gaikwad on a plane, and teenagers being lynched inside a train. Hope is not lost, though: to stop train pull chain, if lucky you *might* remain, if unlucky you will be slain! #ChainKuliKiMainKuli #MassHoles #MeraDeshBadlaLeRahaHai

No corruption in my Government: PM. Can someone remind Moody that he is the Prime Minister of India, and not Denmark or Sweden? Haha! Anyway, when Supreme God Narendra was claiming zero corruption in his Government 15,000-kms away in America, back Home, Thane was being lashed by heavy rains, getting submerged while potholes gradually emerged, trains were cancelled and tracks turned invisible under the ocean that erupted at Thane railway station! Now, if Manmohan wore a "raincoat while bathing", does Moody wear a windcheater, huh?! Haha! #AbKiBaarChaiPaaniDeYaar

Yaar, like GST, will there be a day when it is announced that effective 1st July the rate of interest on savings accounts is being revised to 15%? Like GST, will there be announcements allaying fears that the upward revision in interest rates on savings accounts from midnight of 30 June will cause minor inconvenience to banks but will be beneficial to the common man in the long run? Maybe no? Or maybe yes when Mallya, Subroto, Switzerland, Mauritius, Indian Parliament and Panama become honest by about 0.5 percentage points? Sorry, I don't understand Economics. In fact, to this day, my Mother still wonders how I cleared my University exams! I am baffled too! Haha! #AbKiBaarThodaInterestDenaYaar

God, could you please open your taps, now? You're the only hope I have where extended and extensive summers are a pain minus the onslaught of rain, farmers still alive need to grow grain, the municipality keeps playing on-and-off with the water main, and while those stuck in massive jams in their air-conditioned cars look at me with disdain, I still need to board the highly supremely overcrowded hot-and-burning local train. For once God, let the dark clouds above me remain and let them lash the road, rail, mountain, ghat and plain?! #NalKholnaBhagwan #TipTipBarsaPaaniJaani

Diplomat: Sir, the Indian PM is scheduled to meet you tomorrow. Trump: yeah, but I am *THE* President and it’s America first! Anyway, tell me ya mate, hope I get to hold his hands? Melania didn’t let me hold her hand, neither did Angela, nor the Pope. Diplomat: Not sure Sir, though, Satya Nadella, an Indian immigrant CEO, once wiped his hands off after a handshake with the Indian PM. In any case, the Indian PM might exchange a bear hug with you. Trump: really? Did he hug Obama, too? I hear he is good at winning elections. Of course, it was not him but Putin who won elections for me! Diplomat: Sir, he might attempt a warm hug followed by a sweet whisper to increase H1-B. Trump: To H1-B or not to H1-B is not the question. India does not produce oil like Iran nor does it offer aid to Pakistan! Here, let me prepare a nice farewell speech, pack him off and welcome him. Diplomat: Sir? Trump: caught you by the crotch, eh? Well, ya mate, to USA it is America first, Pakistan second, Middle East third, Russia 4^th and China 100^th . Indians are merely content with America’s figure of speech that leaves them speechless! Wow, what a speech to figure! Go figure! #MujheBhiAmreekaJaanaHai #AbKiBaarMigrateKarteHainYaar

Teenager to me: excuse me Uncle, which bus goes to Mulund station? Me (perplexed, looking around for Uncles, if any): sorry yaar, I don't know. Teenager: ok, thank you Uncle. Me (to self): Uncle?! Haha! And my Mother still thinks I haven't grown up yet! Anyway, I looked around and saw some cows grazing by the roadside minus any protection squad and wondered, if they were just beefly meetin'? Or, waiting to be beaten? Or to be simply eaten?! Or if someone dressed in a saffron robe will come to them with a greetin'?! Huh?! Haha! #GuyKaBull #UncleTips

I never scored 90 per cent marks as a student. Not even 80. Nor 70. While 60 was a luxury, 50 was a far-fetched dream! I was very happy and settled at 35, until I turned 38. Haha! Anyway, just when I thought my life was in a perfect mess, I witnessed even bigger tragedies in Donald Trump, Ravindra Gaikwad, Panama Papers, Mallya, GST, Champions Trophy finals and India’s Presidential nominations. While I have my Mother and the almighty God to save my world, who will save my country?! Huh?! Haha! #RashtraFati #AbKiBaarTaxBharYaar

Heard fuel prices will be revised daily? Governments may come, Governments may go, the Mithi river may overflow, yet the only constant is highway traffic slow and speed of my car at all-time low. Peak hour or non-peak hour, I still drive my car at top speeds of 5 to 10 km/hour. Trust me, it feels like a deep scar when a 15-minute drive takes 1 hour, and everything near appears very far! Conclusively, records are meant to be broken, promises are meant to be token and surveys of Government performance are no more than jokin’! Haha! #SaveFuelBurnCalories #AbKiBaarBrakeMaarYaar

Amazing Facts. Did You Know, witch-hunt still exists in India? In the public sector bored-rooms, the hunt changes gear every 5 years; in the private sector board-rooms it changes gear every 0.15 milliseconds. In fact, irrespective of the likes, love and congratulations, families and relatives aren’t immune too (haha, sorry!) Did you know that despite news of India being the fastest growing economy, annual increments always take a standard deviation from the median towards the “Why” axis? Did you know that you can put slippers to best use on airline employees, and SUVs to pest use on pavement dwellers, yet go caught-free? Did you know, beefly speaking, that the poor cow has become the anti-national animal of India? Did you know there’s an ongoing farmer strike in Maharashtra? While the farmers’ plight is deplorable, did you know that everyone whose plight is adorable, including, banks, municipalities, blue-line, red line, crude line, airline, metro line, railway line and everything sarkari can go on strike anytime, anywhere, minus *any* salary deduction? Amazing Facts. Did You Know? No, know? Now, know? O No! Haha! #AmazingFactsTruthRetracts

Every time I drive my humble air-conditioned car with windows half-open owing to a diesel price hike by a few-paise-a-litre, I look outside and my stress immediately disappears in thin polluted air. At the traffic signal I attain enlightenment that my daily pain of being stranded in traffic for long hours without the air-condition ON is much less compared to the 2.5-crore air-conditioned tinted-window SUVs that overtake me from the left lane at about 8 km/hour, yet, sometimes fall behind by the time we reach the next traffic signal. I mean, these expensive SUV-owners must be owning bangla, gaadi, bank balance, and perhaps Maa, too; but sadly, no roads to drive ON? It hurts when such expensive cars having top speeds of more than 250 km/hour barely clock 2.5 km/hour in traffic! In my case, perhaps the only place where my car manages a top speed of about 12 km/hour for a few seconds is the building compound. Speed thrills, but kills. Speed kills, but thrills. Traffic chills. Government only prepares bills. Infrastructure has ills.  And cows, bulls and peacocks are born midst humour mills! Haha! #InferiorStructureDevelopment #HolyCowTimesNow

FREE! FREE! FREE! With monsoon round the corner, I am offering FREE coaching on the Art of Negotiating Potholes. On completion of the course, you will be able to negotiate potholes of any size, radius, circumference, diameter and depth! Water capacity of the potholes will not be a constraint for any candidate. Potholes of all types: created during the 60-year misrule or recreated during the 3-year old this rule! Come one, come all, think tall, don't fall, united we stand, divided we crawl! #JaanaKhaddeMein