One morning, when she sat next to me, my heart started engaging. The sun was blazing, I turned on the ignition, hit the highway and the car was racing. At 150 kph she looked mighty impressed with my driving skill and pure thrill, and ignoring the rupee-v/s-dollar price of diesel, the entire experience seemed amazing. But then wait, as I was about to ask her out for coffee and an evening of stargazing, an SUV honked incessantly and came too close for embracing. What, even at 1...50 kph it was embarrassing, that an SUV that was so long tailgating, whizzed past as though I was nothing and he was everything. She pretended not having seen anything; kya yaar, saw must have seen something? The SUV-wala had a number plate in Devnagari, black-tint windows and a saffron flag to complete the package, and he looked like a Cobra King ready to sting. He never stopped to pay toll as though he was God who owned the road, while others were there merely to seek his blessing. Just then, she asked me if 50 days were over. I nodded in agreement and wondered how, even now, the servants of the public own the road, behave like a mighty toad, rise to fame, engage in blame-game, and treat their tax-payer masters so lame. Anyway, SUV or no SUV, I remain eternally hopeful for an evening of coffee and stargazing! Haha! #Blackwhitehua #Hangmeafter50days

Ever tried meeting an acquaintance under/near a statue? I never did. It takes me a little over 3 hours from Thane to reach Gandhiji’s statue in Juhu, the most famous statue in Bombay at the moment. Of course, Gandhiji will soon have competition in the Arabian Sea in Bandra. The new incumbent is bigger, expansive and expensive at 3600-crore-rupees, until further cost revision. However, since it will take me about 5 hours to reach Bandra despite using multiple modes of transport, I shall continue meeting my acquaintances “under the indicator”, since trains also run in the statue mode. That said, I wonder if 3600-crores could be used to renovate the brave warrior’s forts and legacy, both of which are in complete ruins in a debt-ridden State he couldn't have imagined? Or perhaps on more pressing initiatives like education, inferior-structure, health, sanitation, farmers, etc? Anyway, whoever decided on banning notes also announced the statue-in-the-sea, and has data to back all his decisions. And, I don’t understand data. Given my cattle-class background, zoologically speaking, data and mathematricks to me have always been arithmetical equivalent of an all-zebra; now, whatever that is.#ChalKheleinStatueStatue

Bhidu, God toh hai. Kya yaar, grow up, transcend beyond how, where and why. I see and speak to Him every day, Bhai. Palatial homes, 1 room-kitchen, sewage pipe, Ulhas river, skies, oceans, barren lands, buses, trains, cars, traffic jams, the overpacked 8.33 am Virar fast, the scantily crowded 1.04 am Kalyan slow, Serengeti, Switzerland, Thane, Bombay, Dilli, USA, India, Chennai, Horse’s stable, guarded prison and/or pig’s sty; faith ka chashma laga aur dekh, He is eagerly waiting to say Hi! And nope, no display of might. His philosophy is uncomplicated and straightforward: just, spread light. Take away fright. Let faith take flight. Jesus, Allah, Mahavir, Buddha or Krishna, none's so big nor the other so small; yeh sab God ka equal hai height. Mary's Christmas, toh meri bhi Christmas; think big, be Humble, and readily accept defeat in a meaningless fight!

Indian economy surpasses the UK economy for the first time in 150 years. But wait, wasn’t India a UK economy 150 years ago? In which case, who surpassed whom? Anyway, now that India seems to have surpassed UK, will the British start reading Kabir ke dohe? And, did Shakespeare have an Indian connection? Did Robinhood of Sherwood visit the Borivali National Park while it was still green? Will England ever defeat India, 4-0? Will Charles love Diana, posthumously? Will 10 Downing Street be renamed 10 Janpath? Will Her Majesty return the Kohinoor before Indian I-T sleuths conduct a demonetization raid? Will 1 GB Pound = 1 rupee? Will the British queue up outside the Indian embassy for an Indian resident visa? God knows. In the interim, I see History being created. 150 years from now, 2016 will be etched in History on account of India's demonetization (or the lakhs of it), Hillary's failed quest for Presidential know-me-nation and Trumputin's Russian States of Amerika election. Haha!

Applications invited from candidates aspiring to build their careers while breaking many others’ by joining my revolutionary Bhartiya Aam Aadmi Con Sena (BAACS). Vision: to build a memorial in the Indian Ocean. Mission: to get there in a bullet train via the Pacific Ocean, while being wary of the South China Sea. Core competency: a surname that starts with G. Should have a broad chest that no vest can best. Physical stamina is an imperative: lifting chairs, tables and throwing them with accuracy at the farthest opponent is a plus. Language skill sets: conversant with all cuss words. Write-in. Benefits, bonuses and compensation are from across the nation. Just. Dream platinum, earn diamond, market gold, swear white and convert black.

We went to deposit Rs.3000 in my Mom’s savings account today in denominations of old 500-rupee notes. The teller informed me that one note was pre-2005, and “hence couldn’t be exchanged owing to a directive from the RBI”. I had heard something similar in the past. Hence, I went ahead and deposited Rs.2500 at the first instance, but not without doubt. I called up the bank’s contact center, and their rep informed me that the bank should accept the note. I politely checked with ...a senior at the branch who reluctantly agreed. She took my Mom’s signature (she’s a senior citizen!) on the deposit slip. Makes me wonder: aren’t banks intermediaries? And infer: from whatever little I know about Economics, the entire demonetization exercise with a solid PR to backup is only an exercise in futility, and no more than gaining brownie points. All ye out there make money from divide-and-drool, and this one’s no different. A common law-abiding senior citizen depositing Rs.3000 is made to sign a deposit slip as evidence, while those defaulting on NPAs running into lakhs and crores of rupees, or those siphoning off money to Maldives and Switzerland are entitled for even more loans from the money deposited by the commoner who signed the deposit slip! Sahi hai yaar, ab ki baar, woh hai sarkaar; merit nahin toh kya hua, PR hi karlein yaar.

Heard Sultan is the Brand Ambassador of Bombay Municipal Corporation’s campaign against open defecation? S***, imagine letting an Ambassador loose in his swanky SUV in areas where pavement dwellers sleep and defecate in the open? Sahi hai yaar, ek baar jo Ambassador ke driver ne ignition ON kar di, toh log confuse ho jayenge ki baithe kidhar aur bhageey kahaan pe!

Jaani, to whomsoever it may concern, what’s the relevance of clearing competitive IAS, IPS, Income Tax, Banking, Rail, Air, Harvard, Oxford, MBA, PhD, Cambridge, DSE, LSE, UPSC, HSC, SSC, IGCSE, CBSE and bureaucracy, when the end-result (and intent) is stealing poor people’s money? Millions or minions, there will still be 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, 365 days in a year, a cycle of seasons, 2 square meals, sunrise and sunset, and an average lifespan of 70-odd years? Anyway, what's the difference between a rich man and poor man’s diet plan? Simple. The rich follow an individual GM diet plan. The poor, a PM’s diet plan for the entire clan.

India seems to have become supremely mega-physical. Someone who is a no-one wields a sword on-stage in a public park amid roars of language and people divide. Someone who is known to everyone brags about his broad chest and broad shoulders worldwide. Someone who wants to be known by everyone recuperates for free in a 5-star with expert medics on all side. Someone who knows none, yet presumes HE is THE ONE, speaks in the Parliament, causes earthquakes and covers up Robert’s landslide. That’s not all. Speakers, audio, law and policy are flung high and mighty around a bloke sabha where none can hide. Stares are exchanged after breaking toll booths and traffic rules, and made to appear that the other didn’t abide. And what am I doing midst so much din and downside? Er, the someone mentioned above keep me busy with grocery bills, potholes, Aadhar, traffic, demonetization and ATM-hunting from time-to-time; here, there, far-and-wide. Rasta de na shaane, zara hat na side!

Kya yaar, do hazaar ke liye rote ho? It’s not even a month since the demise of 500 and 1,000 and look at them; each one of them boarded a flight from Delhi airport to travel to Chennai in separate jumbo jets! Socho, an entire plane dedicated to themselves. Nice, no? And 40,000-feet below, you and I continue to fight over fuel and grocery bills, physical deficit, NaMo, RaGa and the empty ATM saga? Grow up. Think Big, yaar. Think Boeing-787. By the way, Jaya gaya; kya lagta hai, dal mein (Sasi) kala hai?!

Move over Modi, prove Donald's Trump, I hereby confer the honorary "Time Person of the Year" title to myself. After all, to me, life has been so much about time. I try and get up on time. Fill buckets and store water by spending one helluva of time. Brush for some time. Bathe in no time. Breakfast while racing with time. Leave for work on time. Wait for the 8.49 am CST fast that rarely arrives on time. Board the local that’s crowded all the time. Reach office at Indian Stretchable Time. Work during lunch time. Eat during work time. And work until I realize there’s hardly any time. In the evening, I visit the ATM presuming it won’t be peak time. Glance at the serpentine queue and go back in time. Withdraw cash and buy groceries that last for some time. And finally, return Home at, God and Mom alone know, what time. Sahi hai yaar, time and tide wait for no man. Or, maybe tides do? In form of marble and concrete memorials that can breach all the boundaries that a commoner like me can't reach? Shivaji’s Park. Poes' Garden. Marina's Beach.

Prime Minister Sahab, I am a patriot. While I don’t have the valour to guard my country’s borders, I also don’t have an urge nor inclination to cross them to earn dollars, bask in cleanliness and/or observe traffic discipline in an alien country that foreigners call Home! This decision is purely personal and hasn’t got to do with merit, qualification and/or expertise in my area of work; it’s just that I love my country, my family, people, festivals, food and fervor. I was born here. Nurtured. Cared. Loved. Disciplined. Educated. Here. I am a vegetarian and a teetotaler, an avid biker, a mountaineer and football fanatic, thanks to the country that gifted me Mom, Dad, friends, Himalayas, school grounds and a racing 2-wheeler that's definitely male! I remain hopeful, Sir; whether it’s you, or someone else. Hence, I pay my taxes on time, and put up with potholes and rampant corruption, bureaucracy and lackadaisical attitude of those who are supposed to govern and serve, yet fail to discharge their duties. I am hopeful. Sir. I don’t lip-sync nor believe in supporting my motherland from outside by remitting a lot of money. I wish to be a part of the incomplete, raw, rustic, enthused, amused and confused journey called India. Don’t let me down; after all, when there’s so much to look up and be thankful for. Sir?

Yes, it’s all changing, post-08 November. India is suddenly an honest country (or, perhaps it always was?) Children seem to be loving going to school, adults to office, and Netas to the Parliament with an honest intent to serve people. Ministers are brushing their Smriti and giving up ministerial berths, since they know that running a country is not the same as a running TV serial over a cuppa tea. Ministers have started to go to municipal hospitals for treatment, while their children are being admitted in municipal schools and share a clean and hygienic mid-day meal. Indians are immigrating back to India (!), thus supporting their country from within. In fact, everyone Sarkari has made their pre-and-post-election earnings public: the sentry, opposition, Mantri and Pradhan Mantri. They have given up subsidies, lavish ministerial houses and 100-car-cavalcades as well as Z+ security. Mining barons and transport ministers wed their children with a modest spend of 2.5 lakh rupees. Roads are becoming well-paved, traffic rules are being obeyed and justice is being meted out fast-track. 80+ deaths are minor inconveniences. Merit is taking precedence over "credit". Isn't this change? Of course, when a commoner like me is within close-firing range. Strange.