I attended a 3-day leadership training recently. The cost per participant was 35000 rupees + tax, and hence I learnt a lot of learning from the session. To start with, the venue was an architectural marvel at land’s end where the sea began and ended again, abruptly. Wah Taj! A Make in India conclave was in-progress at the venue. The cutlery, chandeliers and carpets were imported; none were Made in India. The hostesses were beautiful and gracious; thankfully, they wore make-u...p only and no accent. Surely, the staff must be paid well. The gatekeeper was tall and well-built; he greeted everyone with a smile. All meals were served on time. Cookies served with tea were soaked in yummy dark chocolate, and the lunch menu was elaborate. I think they use refined cooking oil; not Dalda. Training? Well, participants in the training room, including me, already knew everything about leadership; or so it seemed. In fact, on completion of the training, as everyone emerged from the session, it became difficult to distinguish the trainees from the trainer. What did I learn from the session? A lot: some leaders are born (never heard of them), others are bred, while several others always show everyone in the red.

I feel lonely in a crowd. After all, the only “toast” I’ve heard of is bread-toast, maska maarke. The only precious memories of "bottoms-up" I have are those when I never completed homework at school, and the teacher cracked the whip. The only “F” word I grew up learning and using most often is F for Father, and the only "drinks" I grew up consuming are doodh, chai and paani. The only non-vegetarian bheja fry I’ve ever eaten is my parents’ brain. I grew up learning to look through objects, not people; both, in concave and convex mode. The only time I got real close to women and drooled with them was when I boarded the over-packed Thane Municipal Transport bus No 65 from Thane Railway Station to Ghodbunder Road. I am still averse to smoke; from humans and machines. Hence, I feel lonely in a crowd where the world says only “men” allowed. But then wait, I just heard my dad and mom shout out loud, like a thundering cloud: son, you've been a MAN, and we're both so proud!

Agle saal Kashmir, Pakka? You see, in a nation divided between Ramya Rahim, it’s the preconceived notion and an addiction to diction that causes friction and misconception, provokes a section, creates an equal and opposite reaction, and is responsible for an impulsive decision to invoke a serious charge of sedition. So, watch what you say! But hey, wait, I love Mysore Pak!

A human being. Human beings are nice people. They are gentle, loyal, faithful, honest and devoid of vices like anger, jealousy, lust and cruel intentions. There are many types of human beings; they are called lion, tiger, birds, eagles, sparrow, parrots, chicken, cow, buffalo, owl, rhinos, hippos, cats, dogs, etc. Human beings respect and owe everything to Mother Nature; both, in thoughts and action. Their predatory nature and ambush tactics are Nature’s creation, and they adhere to Mother Nature’s laws in full spirit. Human beings don’t burn forests nor cause earthquakes. They don’t pollute Holy rivers and mighty oceans in the name of religion or development. And when they pull down each other, it’s only to hunt. There’s also a 2-legged animal creature called Man, who is far more literate, superior and technologically advanced, yet has evolved into a fully-grown superficial animal that threatens every one’s existence: human beings, his family, his neighbor, colleagues, friends, nature and above all, himself. Now, only if the world went to the dogs! Sigh!

Urjit bhai, kem cho? You, a Patel? Met Smriti at Yale? Grew up in the same neighborhood as Hardik and Anandiben? No? Ok. Welcome to the Reserve Blank of India. I don’t understand Ecocomics, yet have a suggestion: if only you could do something about the link between inflation and TV serials. You see, none of the characters go to office. Middle-class homes appear as though they get an increment every hour. Lavish marriages happen every 30 minutes, every day of the week. Characters die, come alive, only to die again, until they decide to quit altogether (labour flaws, anyone?) The quantum of gems and jewellery worn in one episode is sufficient to cover India’s debt for 100 years. What’s more, many Bahus even have the potential of becoming India’s Union Ministers in the future! Brush your memory; Smriti, know her? And then, midst all the clamour for glamour, the FM, who was also I&B Minister once, thinks that similar luxuries also exist in the real world, since “media is a reflection of society”. Hence, he imposes burgeoning taxes like rising TRPs! Bhai Jo, tame jo, avjo and please, Arun bhai ne explain kar jo?!

My phone is some find. It gives me company in a crowded office conference room where I wish to avoid colleagues, and show every one that I am very busy. It helps me arrive at all terminals – rail, air and road - in style. I drive my car with my phone ON (and brains OFF!). My phone helps me ignore those who are equally eager to ignore me. I believe in the contemporary adage: why call and speak, when you can text and tweet? Sweet. I spend about 80% of my time in social gatherings and during vacations clicking photos with my phone, and another 10% time in uploading them on social networks; if my contacts visited the Taj Colaba recently, I visited the Juhu Marriott – now, take this! Of course, the balance 10% time is spent figuring out what to do with myself and others in the social gathering. I use my phone to declare love for my better-half publicly, though we question (and curse!) the other’s presence in our life, strictly in private! I compliment my colleague on his promotion using my phone app, though I am very eager to know his CTC and “knowing him, just how did he get there, itni jaldi?” By the way, did Isaac Newton see a connect between Alexander Graham Bell’s invention and the Apple? Huh?

Good morning, am I worthy of accolades, too, the day after? Don’t think so; it’s the athletes’ personal achievement, yet they share credit with me and I remain indebted to them. After all, it is their discipline, endurance, sacrifice and endeavor that catapulted them AND the country to the pinnacle of victory. They stood against odds and held their heads high in backdrop of lack of support and infrastructure (death-defying Produnova using parts of a scooter, remember?), finances (a billionaire Bharat Ratna MP-cum-sporting legend zyaada!), yet managed to be a saving grace for a billion. Arre O samba, kitne medal mile? Sirf teen, sardaar. Aabadi 125-crore aur medal sirf teen? Bahut na-insaafi hai re!

Game it ON Rio, Sindhu. It isn’t so much about the Gold, as it is about your indomitable spirit against odds! Hyderabadi Biryani aur Charminar ki kasam, I mean no disdain, though, today make Carolina’s reign in Spain to appear very plain!

Question: who is faster than batti ka volt? Answer: Usain Bolt. Kya bhaagta hai yaar; bhaagte bhaagte smile bhi karta hai! It is confirmed: Indian Olympic brand Landcruiser, er, Ambassador Salman can run away from the law but not Usain Bolt 😂

Sister, it's intriguing as to why only you NEVER appear "HOT" or "s***" to me? Ever. Anyway sister, I pledge to protect your honour. For a lifetime. AND. Always remember that ALL other women are also worthy of that respect. Locally. Nationally. Globally. Verbally. And in motion. Anywhere. Everywhere. On the road. Highway. In the morning. At noon. Afternoon. In the evening. At sunset. In the silence of the night. Midnight. Any time. Every time.

Oopar wala Malik Sakshi hai, you are a saving face for a Nation that celebrated it's 70th Independence Day, three days ago! You and the entire contingent of Indian athletes were exemplary in a highly competitive global fora. After all, it takes immense courage and mental resilience to be among legends, compete with them and overcome adversity in backdrop of a complete absence of infrastructure, finance and logistics. By the way, hope that the Olympic brand ambassador will now remember Karmakar as Dipa, and not Deepika! Hahaha!

The weather is cold in the Himalayan terrains of Siachen. The weather is very humid in the plains of Rann of Kutch. The weather remains highly uncertain in the mountains of Arunachal. Why? Because, Nawaz Jinping and Xi Sharif want a slice of every thing that does not belong to them. Why? Because, the Pakistani dragon and Chinese ISI want them to do so. Why? Because, the South China Sea is deep, and the mountainous terrains of Balochistan and Afghanistan are treacherous and unsurmountable. Why? Because, Osama lived long in those mountains. Long? Why? Because, he applied for a Chinese visa on Pakistani passport that was rejected. Why? Because, he missed his appointment at the local passport kendra. Why? Because, he mistook a flight to America’s World Trade Centre instead. Now? Now he is dead. And what about the weather in Siachen, Kutch and Arunachal? Heavy thundershowers and lightening expected. In Kashmir.

Jaani, what's the difference between 1947 and 2016? Indians wanted Whites to Quit their country, then. H1-B, Green Card aur immigration ki kasam, Indians want to Quit their own country, now! And on occasions, when Indians are forced out of foreign land, there's an Air India, Twitter, tweet and a Sushma who is virtually so sweet 😂

Maa, is it such a coincidence that Independence Day and Raksha Bandhan are cause for celebrations in the same week? I get it Maa; after all, sometimes life's big messages lay hidden in small "coincidences". Bande, Mata Ram ek hain and both are worthy of equal respect. Samjha kya, bhidu?

One life. One family. One love. One time. One, just one;
I owe it all to them, for all that they’ve done.
A time when the Nation was beyond all desire,
bravery faced bullets, and stories of virtuous queens raged like burning pyre.
Men, women, children who gave it all, in the face of a Raj that stood strong and tall....
They were tortured and tormented, and threatened so Dyre,
it appeared that the sun would never set on the empire.
Yet, they fought, weathered the onslaught and brought the invincible to a naught.
One life. One family. One love. One time. One, just one;
They gave it all for me; but see, O see, what have I done.

There's something about G. G comes after F. G for God. G for Gandhiji, Gun and Godse. G for Rahul G, Sonia G, Priyanka G; all in a spectrum of 3G, sharing common wealth from CWG, at speeds of 4G, and protected by NSG. G for GDP and GST; aur kuch pataa nahin ji. And then, there's G in Uddhavji, Modiji, Jaitleyji, Sushmaji, Sheilaji, Jayaji, Mayaji, Yadavji, Rajnathji and Arvindji; sab mile hue hain ji. In office, G as in sirjee, at home G in veggie, in the train, kahaan se aaye ho ji, and in the temple, kyon Bhagwanji, main hi kyon ji? By the way, will India win G for Gold at the Olympics? Yes? When? Tomorrow? Today? Ya phir jab bhi Shobhaa De?

Notwithstanding the numerous challenges and umpteen struggles that Bombay offers, I feel really blessed and privileged for having been born here, and owe it to my elders who made it their Home, millennia ago. Bombay is in close proximity to the Western Ghats, a fast depleting forest cover, and home to hundreds of species of animals and birds; some local, a few migrants (rings a bell?!) I am an avid driving enthusiast. Long drives appeal to me. Cars and bikes, alike. Midst the... scenic landscapes and majestic hills of the Sahyadris, traverse many a highway, including Bombay-Goa, where a major portion of a British-era bridge collapsed in the Savitri river, recently. The bridge needed urgent repairs, yet repeat warnings since the last 4 years were ignored. None cared. And then, when it collapsed, a number of vehicles, including a couple State Transport buses went down. Rescue operations are ON. Mahabaleshwar and surrounding hill stations have been shut down. A few lakh rupee compensation has been announced. Not sure, if a few lakhs (or even crores!) can reimburse loss of human life and the scars they leave behind. I want to drive down the scenic Bombay-Goa highway. And the last thing on my mind is monetary compensation. Or twitter condolences. Fadnavis Sahab?

My name is Sagar. I live in Thane. Thane is in Maharashtra where Thackeray is an English surname, the barren surface of Vidarbha is from Venus, and Marathwada ain’t the quintessential Mumbai. Maharashtra is in India. India is my country. All Indians who chant NaMo RaGa are my brothers (subject to review every 5 years). I am unable to see my own sisters in Indian women, yet. Hence, hashtag “Nirbhaya” is a growing trend in my country, even within a mile radius of Supreme Lord Narendra’s abode. I love my country; this year, I am loving it even more, until 15 August, an extended weekend holiday. I am proud of India’s rich and varied cultural heritage and shall strive to be worthy of it, even after immigrating to America. I was not Born in the USA; I can migrate there, at least? I support Hillary Trump and Donald Clinton. I admire the Statue of Liberty more than the Statue of Unity, since Vallabhbhai shares his surname with Hardik and Anandiben. By the way, how old is Uncle Sam? Was he a vegetarian with a 56-inch chest? And a PM, too? No? Yes? The first PM born in post-Independence India? Er, America? Haha!