Who is responsible if NINE school-going children in Bihar cross the road and meet with an accident causing their death, while another 20 are admitted in the hospital in serious condition owing to rash and negligent driving of a Netaji who was behind the wheels of his SUV in an inebriated state? Who is responsible? The options are, A. Netaji. B. His SUV. C. Children. D. Salman Khan's driver. E. None of the Above. Correct, the answer is E - None of the Above. Monetary compensation of 4-lakh-rupees is announced, Netaji has been suspended (only?!) from the political party he is affliated with and is on-the-run. By the time he is caught and the case begins in the Higher Courts, Netaji would be representing the Parliament in his capacity as the Union Minister of Road Transport & National Highways alongside Gitin Nadkari! Remember Gorakhpur's tryst with oxygen cylinders? Hey Ram, koi mujhe Netherlands ka Visa de do na bhai! Haha! #AbKiBaarUdaDiyaYaar #DrinkAndThrive #SabKuchDabaDo #HitAndRunSoMuchFun

1. 8th generation Rolls Royce launched costing 9.5-crore rupees. 2. Mumbai-based business family buys 4 flats from floors 28 to 31 in a residential highrise worth 240-crore. Yaar, kya na? Imagine if the same business family also bought the 9.5-crore-rupees Rolls Royce? Kya scene hoga na woh: standing in the plush balcony of your 31st floor apartment and seeing your brand new, imported 9.5-crore Royce stranded in a traffic jam behind a cycle, motorcycle and a micro Ola cab? They imagined a Rolls Royce below a residential highrise. Hence, the legends called Niravbhai, Vijay bhai and Lalitbhai bought villas, planes and private *lending* pads 😉😉 In shorts, they were all Pad Men! 😂😂😂😂 #BoloKahaanHaiPoverty #SabLogTohItneRichHainVikasHuaNa #UncleKitnaCementLagaIssBuildingMein #KyaLagtaHaiWohWaapasAayega #PositiveDekhoNegativeFeko

Dear I-T department, thank you for reminding me that my tax returns are due. And, my dear bank (not PNB), thank you for constantly reminding me that my Aadhar card needs to be linked to my savings account. Really, super-efficient! But then, dear both, please be informed that I am not a businessman, diamond merchant nor a Merchant of Menace. My monthly travel budget only permits me to travel from Thane to Andheri using a local train and a Metro pass. I use autorickshaws and cabs with great discretion. On a quarterly basis, I go out for a Saturday-Sunday outing to Shirdi, stand in serpentine queues and renew my sanity pact with God. In my personal opinion, God is the only savior of this country. He can fly, too. While I have a passport, I have no funds nor intent to fly out of India at any point in time. Yes, I own a car, but owing to massive prices of diesel it can hardly ply, let alone fly! I don't own a private jet resembling any bird nor Kingfisher. Of course, someday, if I do fly economy class on business, I will always return; the foreign authorities won't let me stay in their country because I am not a Mallya nor a Modi - Lalit, Nirav or Narendra. I don't own forex, pay my EMIs on time and I don't have any connections with any business family. Of course, you do know I am an honest man, right? Toh phir bas, bajaate raho! #SachBoloTohJhoothNahin #CommonManUncommonPlan #HeyBhagwaanAaogeKya #AurKyaOptionHaiBolo

Justin Trudeau is the Prime Minister of Canada. His father was a Prime Minister, too. Justin is a handsome heartthrob on a visit to INDIA with his family. He is not Netanyahu nor Obama nor the crown Prince of Saudi Arabia. Justin visited the Taj Mahal at Agra and Gandhi's Sabarmati Ashram in Ahmedabad. He comes across a level-headed family man who always speaks his mind. He should have received a reception befitting the reception he gives Indian immigrants in Canada. Mr. Know-all Modu should have "broken protocol" and welcomed Justin at the airport. Not that Justin will mind. He is cool. Be like Justin, True Do. #WohObamaTohNahin #UnclePleaseDoNotSnub #TrudeauJustIn #YehLocalNahinForeignRelationsHaiUncleji

Sir, free mein ek BA Pass advice doon kya? To gauge the level of improvement in education in your country, count the number of Ministers who send their children abroad for further eddication. To gauge the level of improvement in healthcare, count the number of rich people, including those in your own Cabinet, who manage to get admitted in Bhabha Hospital at Bandra, or Cooper Hospital at Juhu for treatment. Of course, Lilavati and Breach Candy remain free-and-near in case there's anything to fear. To gauge the level of improvement in fees of doing business, just count the number of times a "hafta" changes hands. To gauge the success of a "Swacch Abhiyaan", count the number of toilets actually constructed v/s those on-paper; what's more, count the number of toilets that have taps and one, atleast one, sewage pipe? Zor se lagi hai! To check levels of inflation, spend sometime with a middle-class couple who sit together to make their ends meet, every month. And finally, to gauge the level of your own popularity, move over extrapolated surveys, and instead count the number of non-resident Indians who gave up their millennia-long foreign citizenship, stood in queues outside the Indian embassy and migrated back to their Homeland for good. Baki sab sirf Statistics hai Sir, that is either bought or sold. #WellFairEconomics #LazyFair #ReelAndRealStateOfAffairs #RotiKapdaAurMakaan

Kya na yaar, 11000-crore-rupees withdrawn from Punjab National Blank while the world slept?! I think twice before withdrawing 1100-rupees, and here, some celebrity designer jewellers withdrew money worth crores?! Paise ghar mein rakho toh Narendra Modiji rakhne nahin dete, aur paise bank mein rakho toh Nirav Modiji use tikne nahin dete. Now, if someone's "Happiness Index" is at a 100-level in such honestly "ghapla" times, then either the happy person is rich, super-rich, ultra-rich, Ambani-Adani, a gully/local/regional/national politician, sarkari babu, retired sarkari employee or a dimwit nutcase! Everyone else pays tax. #BhaisaabSufficientBalanceHaiNa #AapkaLoanEMIDueHai #AapQatarMeinHaiIndiaWaali #YaarViewsPersonalHaiProfessionalNahin

Deposits and investments in India are subject to darkest risks. Please read all scheme-related documents of lenders and borrowers carefully; just ensure the documents are real. Most importantly, check their flight schedules, too. And if you have a really good network, try to find out the games that the lenders and borrowers played when they were children: was it pakda-pakdi, chor-police and/or hide-and-seek? If none of the above is possible, attain nirvana. Or worse still, pick up the biography of a monk who became a billionaire Patanjali CEO; the biography might be titled something like, "The Monk Who Bought His Gold And Ferrari". Ab gehri saans lijiye 😆😆😆 #JiskiLaathiUskeSabSaathi #GayiBhainsPaaniMein #AadharNahinTohLoanNahin #LootkeZaroorAana

JANUARY 2018. Somewhere in the UK. Scene 1, take 3. Lalit: Hey ya, Mallya, we have a surprise visitor for ya! Mallya: really? Kingfisher models? Ooh la la! Lalit: No man, Modi. Mallya: What? Modi? How's that? I mean, he is so busy campaigning for elections 300-days-a-year? Lalit: ah, not Narendra Modi; his best pal, Mukeshbhai's relative Niravbhai Modi. Mallya: ah, he sells jewels, eh? Lalit: yes, yes, let's raise a toast to Boeing and Airbus that got us here! Nirav: seriousl...y, thank God for planes! And guys, I am not going back to India. Lalit: no worries, they will make a scapegoat of junior clerks in Punjab National Bank! 🙄🙄 FEBRUARY 2018. Somewhere in Nayi Dilli. Scene 2, take 2. Modujee: Nawazbhai, can you send some men across the border from your rattle-stock tomorrow? But please, no bloodshed, huh. Nawaz: why, what happened?. Modujee: 11000-crore ki wajah se phati padi hai, elections hai and I want to create new headlines tomorrow morning! Nawaz: ok done, but what do I get in return? Modujee: 336-million-dollar aid from Donald Trump, Nakshatra diamonds and a safe passage to China! 😂😂😂#AbKiBaarUddGayeYaar #SaalaYehKyaHoGaya #JaaneWaaleLautKeAana

Kya na yaar, 11000-crore-rupees withdrawn from Punjab National Blank while the world slept?! I think twice before withdrawing 1100-rupees, and here, some celebrity designer jewellers withdrew money worth crores?! Paise ghar mein rakho toh Narendra Modiji rakhne nahin dete, aur paise bank mein rakho toh Nirav Modiji use tikne nahin dete. Now, if someone's "Happiness Index" is at a 100-level in such honestly "ghapla" times, then either the happy person is rich, super-rich, ultra-rich, Ambani-Adani, a gully/local/regional/national politician, sarkari babu, retired sarkari employee or a dimwit nutcase! Everyone else pays tax. #BhaisaabSufficientBalanceHaiNa #AapkaLoanEMIDueHai #AapQatarMeinHaiIndiaWaali #YaarViewsPersonalHaiProfessionalNahin

Mast hai yaar, kaunsa brand hai? Rafale. It can fly? Yes. Very high? Yes. Hmm, nice, kitne ka hai? No idea. Phir bhi, some indicative price? 40-billion dollars? Can't reveal, price is confidential and secretive. Why can't you reveal the price; have *YOU* paid for it? No. Then? Ok, did the transaction happen digitally? No, magically. Right, did the French link their Aadhar card to facilitate the financial transaction? No. No one asked them to? We did, but they declined. Ok, is Anilbhai Ambani involved? Yes. What will he do? Can't reveal, it is confidential and secretive. Everything is so confidential and secretive? Yes. Don't we need to know since we pay so many taxes till we die?! No. Why? That is very confidential and secretive 😂😂😂 #AbKiBaarPlaneLaayaYaar #SaleMeinKharidaKyaUncle #AuntyMereTaxKaPaisaHaiSambhalKeUdana

The young man who stays a few blocks away, and got 137 likes for his selfie with a sanitary pad, got arrested by the cops last evening on charges of beating up his wife. Yes, he does look more like a BadMan than a PadMan, but then physically abusing his wife? Anyway, whether women should respect one another is a different topic of discussion altogether, a man should definitely respect all women, including those who laugh out loud in the Parliament. After all, comparing a woma...n's roaring laughter to a character in the Ramayana, is like comparing the deafening silence of a "world leader" to a blind king in the Mahabharata. Not blind? Good. So, can women, including an 8-month-old, in Delhi feel a little more safe? Daadhi waale Uncle? 😦😦 #LipServiceToHipService #SirfPhotoSeRevolutionNahinHotaDarling #SanityBharatAbhiyaan #BetiBachaoRemainSingle

Sir, poverty? Blame Congress. Sir, 1st world war? Blame Congress. 2nd world war? Blame Congress. Padmavati? Blame Congress. Babri? Blame Congress. 2-crore jobs a year? Blame Congress. NPA? Blame Congress. UPA? Blame Congress. NDA? Blame Congress. Sir, Trump? Blame Congress. Planet Earth? Blame Congress. Sir, Sir, Indira? Blame Congress. Sir, you? Blame Congress. Ramayana? Blame Congress. Renuka? Blame Congress. Sir, Sir, Jay Shah? Blame Congress. Sir, Smriti from Yale? Blam...e Congress. Sir, my neighbour fa*ted? Blame Congress. Your degree and family values? Blame Congress. Uddhav, Yogi, Ramdev? Blame Congress. Your mission? Blame Congress. Your vision? Blame Congress. Sir, your speech in Parliament? Blame Congress. Sir, blame Congress for everything? Yes, Blame Congress. But Sir, weren't you in the opposition when they were in power? Yes, Blame Congress 😂😂😂😂😂😂 #ChaloKheleinEkLameBlameGame #SabKuchMessHaiNa #MaineDinMeinTaareDikhayeHain #WohBolteNahinYehBolteHainDonoKarteKuchNahin

Deepika Padukone is so lucky, no? I mean, she got to visit the Siddhivinayak temple in Dadar on a Tuesday when about a lakh+ devotees throng the temple to get their wishes fulfilled! I've heard of people fasting, yet walking barefoot from far-flung places Virar, Kalyan and Ulhasnagar all the way to Dadar, some, every Tuesday, just to get a glimpse of Lord Shiva's son! The devotees start from their Homes and/or offices on a Monday evening, reach Siddhivinayak temple on Tuesday morning, stand in a long, very long, extremely long, queues to get a 0.00000001 milli-second darshan of Lord Ganesha in his abode on a Tuesday evening! And then, Deepika Padukone, who stays somewhere closeby in plush Prabhadevi, got out of her car, flanked by hordes of security personnel, walked in, bowed and walked out of the temple in 10 minutes?! She also got to stand there, right in front of Lord Ganesha's idol, and pray to him for a few minutes on a Tuesday when the Lord is so busy processing lakhs of applications! Too good yaar! Sach mein, there's such a difference between faith and fate, no? While faith only moves mountains, fate jumps all Queues! Budget sahi tha na? Hmm, that is fate, too. #BhagwaanHaiKahaanReTu #ChalnaLineMaarteHain #BhaisaabLineMeinAao #MandirWahinBanayengeSabQueueMeinKaiseAayenge