Mom thinks times have changed; while I am still young, she’s old. Technology is on a threshold, yet relationships are cold. Parents are too busy to scold, children don’t like to be told and empty homes make a household. Lo and behold, money and power redeem gold and virtue is sold. Summers and monsoons are scorching hot, while winters aren’t even bold. And then, as she is about to break into another mould, I bring her back into the fold. Is she fashioned old? Can’t be, since the world she grew up in appears to be tad different manifold!

Tourists, visitors and travelers scheduled to arrive in Bombay from Monday, 05 September, onwards are requested to ascertain direction to their destination beforehand, since all direction signboards are likely to be covered with posters. After all, it’s the time of the year when Gods will reincarnate in Human form and welcome (“hardik swagat”, remember?) one and all! Please do not get carried away with finger-pointing photos of the Gods, since these are eternally misleading in all directions. Do notice the shape, size and thickness of God’s moustache and its evolution over time, as well as the jewellery worn by Goddesses, sufficient to feed India’s poor for 1000 years. Did you know, it takes an annual budget of about 35000 crore rupees to maintain these Gods? By the way, what did Mom say when I asked her about Govindas flouting the 20-feet dahi-handi guideline issued by the Supreme Court? She said, “keep quiet and don’t utter a word; don’t you know they’re Goliaths and you’re Hardly David Son?!”

In the gym this morning. He: our gym in USA is bigger than this. Me: is it your private gym? He: Er, no. But then, our entire family lives in the US. You have relatives there? Me: no, but wait, you got mouth sores? He: No, why? Me: oh, that’s the American accent, eh?! He (elated!): we have been living in the US for more than 25 years now. Me: nice. He: It’s very clean compared to India. People are nice, the Government takes care, a very safe country. Me: you own a gun? He (dumbfounded!): What?! Me: nothing, so, what brings you here? He (in original Indian accent): oh, it’s the Ganpati festival. So, have you visited the States? Me: No. He: am sure, you too must want to go and settle there? A lot of Indians do. Me: I don’t, there’s so much to be explored in India. I love my country. He: you serious? You can still love your country and do things for people while staying abroad. Me: True. But why go and stay in someone else’s Home when you’ve got one to call your own? He: Perplexed. Me (with my hands on his shoulder): Mera Bharat, Jahaan! Cut to climax: He shifted from the bench to the treadmill :-)

I attended a 3-day leadership training recently. The cost per participant was 35000 rupees + tax, and hence I learnt a lot of learning from the session. To start with, the venue was an architectural marvel at land’s end where the sea began and ended again, abruptly. Wah Taj! A Make in India conclave was in-progress at the venue. The cutlery, chandeliers and carpets were imported; none were Made in India. The hostesses were beautiful and gracious; thankfully, they wore make-u...p only and no accent. Surely, the staff must be paid well. The gatekeeper was tall and well-built; he greeted everyone with a smile. All meals were served on time. Cookies served with tea were soaked in yummy dark chocolate, and the lunch menu was elaborate. I think they use refined cooking oil; not Dalda. Training? Well, participants in the training room, including me, already knew everything about leadership; or so it seemed. In fact, on completion of the training, as everyone emerged from the session, it became difficult to distinguish the trainees from the trainer. What did I learn from the session? A lot: some leaders are born (never heard of them), others are bred, while several others always show everyone in the red.

I feel lonely in a crowd. After all, the only “toast” I’ve heard of is bread-toast, maska maarke. The only precious memories of "bottoms-up" I have are those when I never completed homework at school, and the teacher cracked the whip. The only “F” word I grew up learning and using most often is F for Father, and the only "drinks" I grew up consuming are doodh, chai and paani. The only non-vegetarian bheja fry I’ve ever eaten is my parents’ brain. I grew up learning to look through objects, not people; both, in concave and convex mode. The only time I got real close to women and drooled with them was when I boarded the over-packed Thane Municipal Transport bus No 65 from Thane Railway Station to Ghodbunder Road. I am still averse to smoke; from humans and machines. Hence, I feel lonely in a crowd where the world says only “men” allowed. But then wait, I just heard my dad and mom shout out loud, like a thundering cloud: son, you've been a MAN, and we're both so proud!

Agle saal Kashmir, Pakka? You see, in a nation divided between Ramya Rahim, it’s the preconceived notion and an addiction to diction that causes friction and misconception, provokes a section, creates an equal and opposite reaction, and is responsible for an impulsive decision to invoke a serious charge of sedition. So, watch what you say! But hey, wait, I love Mysore Pak!

A human being. Human beings are nice people. They are gentle, loyal, faithful, honest and devoid of vices like anger, jealousy, lust and cruel intentions. There are many types of human beings; they are called lion, tiger, birds, eagles, sparrow, parrots, chicken, cow, buffalo, owl, rhinos, hippos, cats, dogs, etc. Human beings respect and owe everything to Mother Nature; both, in thoughts and action. Their predatory nature and ambush tactics are Nature’s creation, and they adhere to Mother Nature’s laws in full spirit. Human beings don’t burn forests nor cause earthquakes. They don’t pollute Holy rivers and mighty oceans in the name of religion or development. And when they pull down each other, it’s only to hunt. There’s also a 2-legged animal creature called Man, who is far more literate, superior and technologically advanced, yet has evolved into a fully-grown superficial animal that threatens every one’s existence: human beings, his family, his neighbor, colleagues, friends, nature and above all, himself. Now, only if the world went to the dogs! Sigh!